Why I'm NOT a cart returner...

     So...about a month ago, I saw a post going around my newsfeed about how awesome a person you were if you returned your cart at the store.  I gave an eye roll and kept scrolling.  Yada, yada, yada.  I call bull.  Because I'll be honest and real, y'all...I typically don't return mine either (unless the hateful lady at food lion is watching, I'm a little scared of her).  Sometimes it's because I'm scared of someone calling me in for leaving my kids alone in the car, while I run that buggy back to it's homeplace.  Or because I have something epic to do (like put my child on her potty seat before she pees her pants).  Or I might be losing my sh#t, because my kid screamed all during checkout and I really need a coffee or a cig. I'm kidding, mom   But, most of the time it's for her.  I know you've seen her.  I may pass her on the street,  you may know her from church, or maybe you are her.  So here's to you momma...

For the momma at Sam's Club, praising Jesus for their big carts to fit her wild tots in.  I leave it for her.   The one that is on her 5th day of dry shampoo and knows how to rock a CC beanie like no one else.  Who hopes she won't bump into anyone she knows because she hasn't had time to apply makeup.  Because they may not recognize her because she hasn't slept much since 2010.  AND unless your name is MAC or you're a snapchat filter, you can't hide those dark circles.  Whether that baby be 8 months or 8 years, she still rocks them and comforts every bad dream.  She lays awake at night when the house is quiet and worries about the bills, food allergies, and that bully at school.  She's secretly plotting how to put that kid in it's place.  (Perhaps at the next halloween party)

To the working momma who is trying to multitask and still keep it all together.  But loses her keys, her bra, and her mind daily.  She only has half an hour for lunch, so she jams out to nineties at noon and promised to pick up craft supplies to volunteer at her kid's school.  She is fueled by coffee runs, mom guilt, and the treadmill if she has the time.  She regrets signing up for the duty of room mom, but thought she could handle another task if it was for her child...  

To the momma roaming aimlessly through the aisles of Target, trying to find herself...but only leaves with diapers and butt paste, never anything for herself.  She appreciated the stranded buggy, because she didn't wanna carry her 2 tots in the rain to get one.  She is rocking the black yoga pants, because no matter how hard she tries, those cute jeans never seem to fit right anymore.  And if she sees one more workout video or post about water, she's gonna blow her fuse.   I see her trying to juggle the monthly budget and still buy the leotard her little girl has been eyeing for weeks.  She may look like the product of a 3 day binger, but the last party she attended, included mickey and minnie mouse.  Momma's just worn out.

To the momma running into Lifeway for a new devotional to get her through this phase she's in.  She prays for wisdom and grace with the whole parenting thing, and her tad bit of a potty mouth.  And her kid with the potty mouth ✋✋✋✋✋✋✋✋.  And wonders how to get her kid to stop saying that his last name is asshole, to anyone that asks in friendly conversation.   She prays about how to talk to her daughter about self worth and humility in a world full of selfies and crop tops. And she's trying to learn how to cut herself a little slack when it comes to the tough stuff.

To the baseball momma who's running in Kroger to quickly for goldfish, because it's her turn for snacks again. Can't forget shout spray for those dirty grass stains from last weeks game.  She wonders how she's ever gonna conquer that laundry pile that awaits her, and the dinner that has to be served by that ball game at 6.  By the way, where are those stinkin blue ball socks?!?   And hopes her boy hits a homerun tonight and believes in himself , and knows she's his biggest fan.  

  The momma at Hobby Lobby dreaming of decorating that porch for fall, but will be happy to settle for a couple pumpkins, a few empty slushy cups, and pairs of tiny tennis shoes by the door. She's also wondering WTH they make their buggies so small?  I mean, how do they expect us to put our kids in there and buy things?

AND FINALLY... 

  To The momma at Chic Fil A, whose kid got massive diarrhea, while venturing down the slide at the play land.  It wasn't brought to her attention until  the 7 year old was covered in sh*t.  After she and her humiliated hubs  tried to warn the other kids that weren't hers, none would listen or obey the stern warnings!  So she made a run for it, like she stole 500 chicken sandwiches.  All with her red faced hubby and kids in tow  and gave a courteous call about sanitation from the road. All while laughing hysterically like a grade school girl.  Anyone know her?  I don't...

 You see, I always appreciate those lonely buggies in the parking lots, because I always have my brood with me, and if I'm alone...that lonely cart serves as a little sweet gesture to help me accomplish my shopping a little easier.  We all push a different cart, that no one knows about, and God made no momma the same...but we're all in this momma hood together.  The happy ones and the sad ones.  The friendly ones and the shy ones.  From the bottom to the top...one crazy momma to the other.  From the sweet ones, to the mean ones.  And if you're one of the mean ones, I wish your Mondays to be long and coffee to be cold...and those stray legos in the hallway to be sharp 👊 But for real ladies... just keep on pushing, even on the days you're winded!   And if you just happen to leave that cart stranded sometimes, just think of her that's like you... and don't feel so bad.   

Much love to all my friends and followers!  The next post will include LOTS of funny Dax stories along with many of my other wild munchkins.  SHARE if you can relate.  Gotta build a following for that dream one day...

The Summer of Momma Truths...

      Hey friends! Goodness, I have missed you and blogging!  It's so hard to sit down and catch up sometimes on our busy life!  This past year has been an absolute whirlwind!  Those who are closest to us can laugh and think on some of the humorous, experiences we've had along with it.  But I'm so blessed to be a good kinda busy with the crazy kiddos and the hubby.  Thank GOD for teachers being off in the summer and my man can enjoy and help mange all the shenanigans these kiddos get us into daily.  I've decided to play "truth is" about summer break with kiddos.  I think yall will have to agree with most of my opinions.  I can't believe it is almost July!  After July, comes August and I'm not ready for that again!  Who likes schedules and being without my biggest babes all day?  Not this momma!  For now we are gonna soak up this summer and enjoy it the best we can!  I go from not being able to love them anymore, to being ready to squeeze the cuteness off their cheeks.  Know what I mean?  You know how I roll, randomness...everywhere! 

      One of my fave quotes comes from Jerry Seinfield, “A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.”   But the thing is, This is our life yall, especially in the summer😆.  I'd like to think we keep it fun, laid back, with a lotta chaos, and a little structure in there somewhere.

Truth is:  They're always hungry...Like always.  As soon as I clean up a meal, they wanna know what's for lunch or snack.  And if they eat a late breakfast and skip lunch, you will not live it down.  Paislee keeps a record of her daily meals. and though she eats like bird, if you even think about jipping her one, she will make you sorry you did.  Seriously, we buy out Sam's club snacks in bulk and boom, they're gone in 2 days.  My kids would live on snacks alone.  I blame it on their grandparents.   Ninny and Grams live off giving them junk food, I swear.  They love it, but then act stressed out when it makes them crazy.  Ninny goes to the store and gets errrebody, their momma, and their 3rd cousin a pack of gum or candy.  She smuggles junk food like nobody's business, and Grams stores fudge rounds in the oven, I'm kidding (but really, she does).  Ninny has every cabinet and corner packed full of the goods. Sugar, hydrogenated oils, chemicals, gluten, you name it. If you need junk smuggled into Alcatraz,  call Ninny, she'd your girl.  She will find you, and she will hype you up on sugar.  and...Thank God for auntie Christie at all the ball games, I tell her she has a magic bag like Barney that she pulls all kinds of goodies out of...it's like an endless supply.  Nothing momma packs is ever good enough for them.  She also carries enough bandaids to patch up an army troop,  They're all little bottomless pits who love to eat and be spoiled 😂.

Truth is:  Everything is sticky.  My couch, all 50 of my kiddos fingers, the girl's ponytails, Cub's mouth, Hudson and Dax's clothes.  The floorboard of my car.  A patch of my armhair.  What is this?  Gum?  Cornstarch?  I mean, where does all this stickiness come from? Whatever you do, don't lick it.  I learned my lesson at the drive in a few weeks ago.  Cozi did not have sticky chocolate on her belly. Today Cody got on his hands and knees to scrub the kitchen floors and guess what happened?  (By the way, He's so sexy when he's scrubbing floors 😙)   Paislee fixed a bowl of dog food, Cozi spilled her chocolate milk, And Cub spilled half a bottle of grape coke...and I still have no clue where it even came from.  Within the hour, lucky charms, cheerios, shopkins, and more sticky shit accumulated again.  We cleaned it back up and tonight, guess who was shoveling handfuls of nesquick powder in their mouths?  Dax and Cub.  Dax used to hate having a little brother, but now he knows he can accomplish more shennanigans if they tag team and work together.  He also thinks it's hilarious to teach Cub phrases that he knows will get him in trouble.  Phrases that I'll hold off on typing my first blog back.   Everyone loves Dax, there is just something about him.  He steals people's hearts with his mischevious smile and potty mouth.  Last week someone asked him his name at the pool and he responded, "Dax Grayton Henry Asshole."  Mic Drop.  Boom.  Yeah, I mean, you know.....what do I say to that?  How do I even defend my parenting at this point?   He completely left Harper off and said his name in the wrong order.  My aunt told me the other day we must cuss like sailors for them to have the mouths they do. But we really don't, yall.  We do slip up some....and I say shit, but alike my memmy always said...that's "not really" a cuss word.  But they've clung to a couple not so great words and use them accordingly.  Hudson has spit bubbles out his mouth twice this week from getting in trouble for saying an ugly word. We have to have a come to Jesus meeting every Sunday on the way to Sunday School (we do take them, I promise) about talking nice and not saying ugly words. He's kinda like his momma, and his filter doesn't work too well.  But he's 3, pretty cute and gets away with more than he should 😆. But, he says he loves you more than 13 cannonballs and past the moon too, and you forget the dirty words and kneel down for a hug.  And if you don't, well ya aint no friend of mine.

Truth is:  Questions never stop.  Some days I feel like I'm on trial.  Some days I feel like they think I was sitting next to God, the father on the day he created the universe.  "Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, heyyyy, mommy."  Mommy, do you have $103 for a mermaid tail.  I'll give it to you.  I'll get it out of your wallet and give it to you to buy me one."  

          Say Mermaid tail, ONE, MORE, TIME. 
"Mommy, what do you do when underwear gets really stuck in your butt?"  "Where do animals go when they die?"  "What if you ever die, Mommy"  "Is the tooth fairy real?"  ..."Are you sure?  Because sometimes she's late."  Then there are days when I question myself even more than their little innocent ponders.  "Did I play with them enough?"  "Do they like having a big family?"  "Will they need therapy when they're adults?"  "Do they know how deeply we love them?"  Do we tell them enough bible stories"?"  "Am I too hard on them, am I patient enough?" "Am a good enough christian momma/wife?"  "Do they know how hard I try?"  "Do they know I'm one crying fit away from the nuthouse 👏?"

Truth is:  The lifeguards hate us.  Especially this one little guy.  He takes his job pretty serious and He hates to see us coming. I mean hates it.  I see the look of dread in his eye every. single. time.  I guess it's hazardous having 5 kids vs. 2 adult parents ratio.  He's annoyed as soon as its his turn to stand at our area.  So what if they go down the slide upside down.  A little water up the nose never hurt a kid.  Oh, he's kicking his brother in the face?  It's called character building.  Disreguard that.  We don't allow one another to hit, we usually sit down calmly and express our feelings by gently hugging it out.  Pshhhh, hehehe.  I wish it worked out as peacefully as that.  I made the kids wear a giant 2x Christmas shirt last week that said, "Chill Out."  And threatened to put their screaming fit on youtube if it didn't stop. I'm pretty sure the mom with the only child hates us too.  Or maybe it's because Cub may or may not have pushed her kid while in line at the froggie slide 😏 ...not sure.  Or because they are loud and fun and like to splash.   People ask us all the time how we do so much and go places with 5 kids.  Back off, Hitler.  Fuss at my kids one more time, and I'll take you for a swim. 😂  Yall know I'm kiddin.  I'd be on guard too, if I saw 5 wild kids at my section rough housing in the water.  People ask us all the time how we do so much and go places with 5 kids.  Well, folks...it's not a death sentence.  And truth is,  if we keep them at home, they break things, injure eachother and destoy the house if we don't keep them busy.  We like keeping them busy and letting them have a fun summer with activities even if it means out sanity sometimes.  Hudson is kinda a spaz like his momma and has a intense fear of the kids getting run over, or kidnapped, or falling from a high place.  Yall momma bears out there know exactly what I mean.  The other day at his ball game, he was screaming at me from the dugout to watch the babies better!  He yelled "Get over there and watch the babies!  They're gonna get run over!"  It makes you feel pretty insecure when your 7 year old keeps you in check.  You know you better get with the program.   My anxiety has been pretty out the roof at times since the twinsies have become toddlers.  I'm constantly screaming their names frantically if I can't find them.  I felt especially dumb the other day when I was panciking over losing Cozi, all while she was strapped to my back in the tula.  Mommin makes ya crazy.  Can I get an amen?


     The truth is, I just can't catch up...like ever.  If you look up Hot Mess in the urban dictionary, there I'll be.  I try, but it gets me no where.  If it's not the house then it's the messy car.  But my momma didn't raise a liar...so I'll tell ya.  It's usually both...well pretty much always both.  I'm behind on all the things, yall.  All of em.  It it's a thing, I'm late.  I'll get to it, it'll get done.  But probably in the witcing hour.  Procrastination is my spirit animal. Is that a thing?  Anyways, you know what I'm saying.  That laundry pile grows overnight and spreads like a bad case of poison ivy.  One thing about summer break with 5 kiddos, is that there is never really downtime.  Because I'll be honest, my kids all act like they're on uppers.  Except for my oldest daughter.  Her favorite past time is googling expensive mermaid tails and watching youtube videos of other little girls playing with their barbies.  All while pouring her own drinks and spilling it everytime on her trek to her bedroom.  Love my little diva and her songs she loves to write.  We busy...all the time.  Ball Practice, swim lessons, playing in the water slide, sandbox, cleaning up messes.   Around this house, Summertime comes swimming pools, waterslides, wet hair, Pelican Snowballs, late suppers, movies, screaming and chasing my kids out of the driveway, washing mouths out with soap, breaking up fights, catching lightning bugs, nights at the drive in, going batshit crazy.   You know!  All the fun stuff! We try chores too and they do good sometimes.  But that's about a reliable as my phone battery and ability to text people back.  One of my favorite things is watering my flowers in the mornings on my porch while having my morning coffee.  But I wish I could refrain from smelling urine right off my steps.  We have tried everything to get Dax to stop peeing off the porch, but we still have no luck.  He says, "I'm watering flowers, mommy!" As far as clothes go, well, they're usually in the yard or floating in the kiddie pool, along with the Spiderman underwear.  Anyone that's close to us, knows that's just how he rolls.  We try, but that's all we can do folks...he has a brilliant little mind of his own.  😂 Dax ran over to the neighbors a couple weeks ago (while they were in the process of a home visit with their social worker about their sweet girls they're adopting.  He beat on the door, completely naked, screamed he was starving, and pleaded for a cheeseburger.  )Thank God I wasn't far behind him to return him back to our yard.  The next week, he thought he'd be sneaky and go to their back deck and knock to ask for chicken nuggets.   She took a pic and texted it to me.  Good thing he's cute.

Yall know I have so many stories on that kid, I could write a book on him alone.  Cozi is nuts over him and has recently been picking out clothes for him and chasing him down to try and force them on him. 😂  

Truth is:  We're all losing it.  I once read via Fb post..."We're all losing our shit, some just hide it better than others."  Sometimes, all we can do is try our best and just roll with the craziness.  We gotta be honest with eachother, but most of all ourselves.  It's totally ok to "not have it all together."  If you're ever being too hard on yourself, come see me.  I'm definetely no June Cleaver or Michelle Duggar (God love her).  I don't really know what I am, but it's definitely not those two.   If you have any comparisons let me know.  Take a breather, give yourself some slack.  Sometimes, we set ourselves up with expectations we can never realistically meet.  God created us all for a divine purpose, and motherhood will be one of our greatest testimonies.  We gotta always remember that"If you want to change the world, go home and love your family."  

Truth is:  It goes too fast.  Ever heard that phrase "The days are long, but the years are short?  I've found this to be more true with each year that passes.  How is it possible that I have 2 kiddos that are going into second grade.  That reminds me we should probably be reading more 😏 .  I'll set an alarm on my phone to do that next week.  Cody and I make a pretty good team.  Mostly, because we mutually love these little monkies more than anything, and more importantly, because we love eachother.  I am beyond thankful for a helpful husband who tackles these summer days with me.  I can honestly say, I loFor now, I'm cherishing the time that my babies actually want me and need me.  Even if it's sometimes overwhelming and tiring, I'm soaking it up.   I know one day, they will wanna stay gone with friends and I won't be so cool anymore to them.  Whatever, I'll always be cool.  You should see us hit the quan in the kitchen.  

Anywho,  thanks for following along with our craziness and my random rubbish.  Share if you'd like.  I'll be back real soon.  There are too many stories to tell!  Much love to all! 

-Andi

Turn Off the Lights...a tribute to my Valentine.

      With Valentine's Day upon us, I can't help but think of how this day has changed for me since becoming a mother....
      Our very first Valentine's together I was just a 14 year old love sick girl with braces.  I watched out the window for the sight of that Red Ford pickup truck coming down the gravel driveway.  He showed up with a goofy grin, a big teddy bear, and a heart shaped necklace.   I loved sitting on my parents couch gazing into his big brown eyes. 

Us at my senior prom.

      That's the only place we could see each other, in the living room of my house, my parents were a bit overprotective.  I couldn't date him for 2 years after being together.  He had to come see me every day.  Heck, Cody couldn't step foot in my bedroom until the day we got married.  I wonder why they aren't like that with my brother and his girlfriend?...hmmmm.  Haha!  Then there was the Valentine's Day the month before our wedding.  He took me to our house, which was under construction at the time.  We had dinner in the middle of our living room floor, that was covered in sheets of drywall.  It was a mess, but it was very romantic.  The next year, even though I longed for a pregnancy, it still hadn't happened yet.  We were child free.  So I did what any newlywed wife would do, pranced around the house in lingerie.   The days where the coconut oil in the kitchen pantry, wasn't just used for greasing up the skillet.  Hehehe!  We'd go on dates whenever we wanted and sometimes to Walmart and Steak and Shake at midnight.  My, how times have changed!   Fast forward to now...  

      Marriage is tough.  Anyone who tells you it isn't, is a liar.  There are days that just the sight of my husband makes me want to punch him in the face or knee him in the balls.  He doesn't even have to say a word.  Sometimes I'm grumpy from little sleep, and jealous of his ability to sleep through a plane crash.  Then there are times that my heart could simply burst while watching him.  Like when he wrestles with the boys, coos at Cub and Cozi, or brushes Paislee's hair after bath time.  

And of course I wanna jump his bones, when I see him folding the huge pile of laundry sitting in the kitchen, or loading the dishwasher without being asked.  I know, at times I drive him nuts too.  Like when I throw away important tax documents or shove things in drawers.  Or when I guzzle bottled water louder than a horse.   Cody and I are both Taurus.  Most would say those signs would never mesh well together.  We are both stubborn and hard headed.  When we argue, it can get pretty ugly.  We fight hard, but we love harder.  There have been several times the past 8 years if our marriage, where I wanted to walk away. But in our 13 years of being together, we've never walked away from what we had.  It aint always been pretty, but it's always been worth it.  

      Now, 6 months post partum,  I'm not feeling too hot.  I have stretch marks in places I didn't know you get stretch marks and a few extra pounds that I haven't ditched yet.  I feel like Nelly Furtado's "Turn Off the Lights"  is the theme song to my sex life.  It has to be pitch black in the room before I let him touch me.  And if it isn't, this is what you'll hear.  "Eyes up here, big boy.  I see you checking out my stretch marks and saggy boobies.  Eyes up here.  Don't look at me."  He says I'm a bit dramatic and that I am sexy and beautiful to him.  Good things those lights are off so he can't see me roll my eyes.  But he can hear me laugh a little.  Let me tell you, ladies...breastfeeding puts a damper on your sex life.  It's hard to switch roles between nurturing twins, to performing your wifely duties to your husband.  After nursing 5 children, my nips are pretty much the same consistency as rubber and tough enough to cut glass.   Before kiddos came along, our bedroom was always clean and candles were always lit.  We would binge watch One Tree Hill and sleep til noon on the weekends.  Now, our room is covered in laundry, toys, pacifiers, and diapers scattered in random places.  Cody wanted some "cuddle time" the other night while he was laying in bed watching Jimmy Fallon.  Something happened that hadn't occurred in a long time.  I got wet...like really wet.  But not for a reason that you may think.  Get your head out of the gutter girlfriend!  My 2 year old, which happened to be sleeping naked, had peed the bed and drenched us both.  His brother decided it'd be a good idea to give him a glass of Kool Aid before bed.  Talk about a buzz kill.  You can't make this stuff up.  Haha, so much for that!  LOL.  
      Sometimes,  it isn't so romantic around our house.  Ok, I lied.  Rarely, is it romantic around our house.  Most times, we are chasing our naked toddler around as he stumbles aimlessly like a 2 foot drunk man, making messes.  We are breaking up wrestling matches between H and P.  And playing a game of hot potato, passing our 2 6 month olds back and forth to be changed, fed, and played with.  Their isn't much time for romance.  This winter, our house has been hit with one virus and ear infection after another.  You want me to tell you another parenting game that isn't too fun?  Keeping track with who has had tylonel and antibiotics last.  Have I mentioned that our little man, Dax still sleeps with us?  SO if the stars ever perfectly align and we are able to be intimate, we have to be sneaky and make him a pallet somewhere in the floor.  We have to tiptoe around the room like ninjas so he doesn't wake up.  H and P also like to pile up in our bed too.  Last weekend, Cody had came in from feeding the pony he got me.  He walked in the bedroom and I had to warn him to be quiet because the kids had just fallen back asleep...AND for him not to step in the puke that was on the floor next to my side of the bed.  Someone is always puking at our house.  Hudson had got to coughing too hard and vomitted.  He gets that from my Dad. He can be running around in the basement playing, and the next thing you know, he's taking a quick break to puke in the trash can.  No lie,  while he was puking in bed...MID-PUKE...he asked, "UUUGGGGHHHHHH,  (PUKING), CAN I STILL RIDE THE (PUKING) PONY TOMORROW, MOM?"  
      One thing is for sure, Marriage takes a lot more effort when you have kids.  Especially 5 kids.  Whether it's carving out time to for sex or a conversation without interruption.  I feel like when Cody and the kids get home from school, we have to shout at eachother quickly and loudly, as if we both have Tourette's.  Everything is loud and the kids are excited to tell me about their day too.  I can remember when I was a little girl, every day around 2 pm, Mom would put on a fresh face of makeup.  I'd ask her where we were going and she'd respond, "Nowhere.  Your daddy is coming home from work and I wanna look pretty."  Seriously, how Stepford Wife is my mom?  She pretty much vacuumed in pearls and had a meat and 3 cooked EVERY DAY by 4 pm.  Seriously.  And I rarely ever heard her say the word shit.  No wonder I feel like a dad gum failure sometimes.  She set the bar high.  Cody comes home from work and most days, the house looks worse than when he left.  I am usually wearing the same big tshirt and no bra.  I've usually been spit up or peed on more than once that day, and haven't saw a mirror since God knows when.  BUT, there is usually dinner going.  And I have to say, I'm a pretty good cook.  (Atleast I have that going for me.)  Most of you all heard my funny story on Facebook the other day about our internet guys, but I'll tell it again.  The NCTC men showed up at my house and looked a bit frazzled after walking through my kitchen.  The babies were screaming, there was a giant hole in my ceiling, and they nearly tripped over a kitchen cabinet in the middle of the floor, as well as the giant pile of laundry.  Not to mention the colorful marshmallows, Dax had managed to scatter everywhere in my house.  I told my mom over the phone, that the younger one would NEVER wanna have kids after visiting my house, hehehe.  SO REWIND to the week before, to the hole in our ceiling.  You see, we are planning to build on soon.  So my man was mapping out the attic and looking around at the space when boom, there he falls through the kitchen ceiling.  You know me, I start screaming a word that rhymes with Spit.  And the kids start screaming it's snowing in the kitchen mom!  I had to help push Cody's leg back up and review the damage.  Then we all made a family effort to pick up the insulation.  Good thing we don't need his spermies anymore.  Because it's very possible it may have damaged that area. You should see the rather large bruise in his groin area.  My poor guy!

      Mr. Harper is a good man.  He is the best friend that I have ever had.  I know that he, more than anyone, ALWAYS has my back.  I also know that you better not even THINK about saying a negative word about me around him, or he will make you eat your words.  He is a bit defensive of me.  He reminds me of the way my Pa was of my nana.  Hell hath no fury on the person who spoke anything negative of her in his presence.  It's the little things he does that makes me feel special.  He brings me a caffeinated beverage every day.  Whether it be a coffee, a sweet tea, or a diet Dr. Pepper with Vanilla.  He knows at 3:30, I need a jolt of energy.  He also encourages me to do small things for myself, like take a hot bath or to go to the tanning bed.  I love the way he rubs my feet while I edit pictures every night on the couch.  Or we discuss our latest Netflix obsession, Parenthood.  I love talking about my big dreams and he never acts like they are too big.  He always says, "DO it, you should, you'll succeed and do great at whatever you do.  When and if, I write my book or open my Sweet Cheeks Boutique one day, I'll owe it to Mr. Harper for always pushing me to pursue my dreams.  He always builds me props or buys me anything vintage that I think will look good in pics.  He wrangles sheep, horses, bunnies, and chickens for my mini sessions.  He gives every pinterest project a shot.   I never, ever,  doubt if I am loved or taken care of.  And he always tells me I'm beautiful, even when I know I'm not.  


      Everyone loves a good love story.  And it may sound cliche', but ours is my favorite.   

 I am more in love with today than ever.  I adore the man and daddy he has become.  We have lived and loved more in the past 13 years, than some couples do in a lifetime.  I feel happy and blessed to be his wife EVERY day, maybe not all day, every day....but every day.  I love that despite our flaws, we still choose to love each other, every day.  And the love we have for our 5 munchkins, keep us together like Peanut Butter and Jelly.  I may not be dressing up in a little black dress and going out on the town on Valentine's.  But I know I'll be sitting on the couch next to a pretty awesome husband.   And there is nowhere in the world I'd rather be.  Who knows, we may get lucky and get some cuddle time too! ;)  Happy Valentine's Day to you and yours! 

Until Next time,  Love and Babydust! Thanks for reading and Sharing!

Realistic Resolutions...

      So, I haven't blogged in months.  I have had every intention to post but other priorities have gotten in the way.  It's a new year and I've set several goals for myself, blogging is one of those things.  I enjoy it.  It is therapeutic in a way.  Whenever I think I need to post, I try to filter it in my mind so no one will judge too harshly.  Since it's been so long...expect randomness.
      As I reflect over the past 365 I can almost feel ten thousand different emotions blow through my hair almost as fast as the year has flown.  Humor from living with my hilarious kids.  Pain, from carrying 2 children and birthing them.  Mommy guilt, from constantly feeling like I'm not a good enough mom, wife, and Christian.  Happiness that my husband and 5 little people bring me.  Unspeakable Joy and contentment.  Cub and Cozi are now 5 months and the sweetest little babies ever.  Though, they don't sleep much, they are SO happy!  They love cooing and smiling and cuddling with their mommy.  I never knew I could love so much...

I've learned multitask!  That's for sure!  Comforting my little streaker while nursing the twins a couple months ago!

      I've learned...pretty well, actually, to embrace the craziness that is my life.  Back in the fall the delivery man showed up at my door with a horrified look on his face.  His mouth was actually open as he asked in a very concerned voice if everything was ok.  "Ummmmm...yeah, why."  I answer as I glance around and try to understand his question.  Cody's car was parked in the front yard in an attempt to clean it out.  Hudson was standing on top of it,  playing superman.  Dax was running around with a baseball bat and Paislee was running from him.  Did I mention Dax was naked?  He streaks worse than a frat boy during homecoming week.  It is a difficult task to keep clothes on that child.  Then I understood what he meant...  "OHHHHHH, them?  Yeah, it's fine.  They're just playing...school is out today."  I realize that in his eyes,  I'm a circus with 5 hilariously entertaining acts.  Not long after another delivery man told me I always look tired.  I get that a a lot lately.  That's my new signature look.  Dark circles, slightly greasy hair, the works.  I may look like shit, but I can rock a toboggan and sunglasses like nobody's business.  The nice photo lady at Sams told me I look like I don't feel well.  No, I feel fine, just not had much time to apply much makeup.  Yesterday's makeup is better that no makeup...am I right?  I've often heard other moms "discuss"  other mommas "letting themselves go."  I'm really trying not to do that.  I've retired my yoga pants with holes in the crotch.  On Christmas I tried really hard to look cute.  My aunt Becky was hugging me and wishing me a Merry Christmas and said "Hey, Honey, you got something on your shirt."  Ohhhh, yeah,  it's shit.  Just baby shit.  But it still didn't smell good.  So much for that!  My mom couldn't come within 10 feet of my with our reminding me that I smelled like shit.  Shew....can't a girl get a dad gum compliment.  I can't win for losing.  Hehehe.

I've spent the latter part of the year with 2 babies attached to my boobies every couple hours.  I've cleaned up countless spills (especially those made by my little Dax "the destroyer" ). Made dozens of trips to the pediatrician. I have Potty Trained,  watched Toy Story over and over again til I want to kick Woody in the teeth.  I've had to face the reality that my biggest babies aren't babies anymore.  And I've had to send them to school 5 days a week so I don't go to jail .

My Resolutions...

1.  Be Present...the best gift I can give to my family is to be in the moment.   I must remember this every day.

2.  Get Organized.  I know you all have heard this one a time or two.
     
Another reason I haven't blogged is because I hate to admit publicly what a mess I am.  You should see my car, ha!   I know, better than anyone that I need more structure and organization.  I want things to run smoother each time we leave the house and for the floorboard of my car to have room to put both feet without kicking sippys, crunched up cheerios, and baby dolls in my way.

3. Attend Church Every Sunday

This is horrible to admit, but we have been to church once since having Cub and Cozi.  I know, it's horrible.  We used to attend very regularly, but it has been difficult since Dax has been potty training and I am nursing around the clock.  We love our church and all feel better when we are in the habit of going.  I am going to make more of an effort to make this happen with all 7 of us.

4.  Lose the 10 lingering pounds of post baby weight.

I know I'm not fat, but I'd love to be the size I was before Cub and Cozi.  I'm not eating bread tomorrow.  I know I said that 2 months ago and it lasted 3 days.  We will see.  I only had 3 rolls from O'Charley's today.  That's gotta count for something.  I REFUSE TO GIVE UP COFFEE.  And I like it iced, with cream and sugar.  I love my 2 cups a day I'm allowed since I'm nursing.  Coffee is my version of wine to get me through the stressful times.  Mom attended H and P's Christmas party at school with me a couple weeks ago along with the other 3 kiddos.  She was shaking like a leaf when we left.  I was packing out leftover cupcakes, and Dax over my other shoulder in the midst of a temper tantrum.  I wish I had a nerve pill to slip my poor momma, because her nerves couldn't handle it that day.  I told her to buckle up, I was going to buy her a coffee since we didn't drink or do drugs...that would have to do. LOL

5. Spend quality time with my husband.

Recently my hubby quit his second job to be home with us on the weekends.  It has been AHHHHmazing being able to do family things on the weekends.  We haven't stopped going places since becoming a family of 7.  I'm so blessed to have a helpful hubby.  I love that man so much, even if I wanna punch him in the face sometimes.  He's the best husband I could ever ask for.  But I need to make more "us" time I suppose.  I need to try and keep my eyes peeled open long enough to spend an hour together each night to talk and be more ahem...(clearing throat)  intimate every now and then.  Thnere's just something about being up all night with 2 babies that slows down the sex drive.  Can't a girl just cuddle and watch netflix?  Is that such a thing?  I can't even mention running myself a hot bath without him thinking I'm pulling out a Kama Sutra or something.  I told my man I was going to start lounging around the house in a parka after my bath and would make no eye contact if he didn't stop mentioning sex all the time.  I guess that's a man, for you.  I do need to plan a date for us sometime in the next year.   :)

6. Stop swearing

I'm not a bad potty mouth but I can drop a few "not so nice" words.  You know...the "A" word and the "S" word.  Not much beyond that unless my husband makes me too mad.  But I still need to be a better example of how a a nice christian lady should talk.  I'll save those words for when it is acceptable.  Like when Hudson gets slammed in the mouth with a baseball or Dax nearly knocks his tooth out.   Paislee told me the other day that Hudson had been dropping the "F" bomb on the playground.  I freaked out and was ready to move to another state until I realized that she meant the kindergardener's "F" bomb...you know...FART.  

7.  Do More Good Deeds

No matter how busy I may be, I can always do something small to help someone else out.  Small acts of kindness go a very long way.  I hope to do more photography services for families in need or with life threatening illnesses over the next year.  

8.  Get a Filter

Anyone know where I could buy one?  Hehehe.  I need to take some advice from good ole Daniel Tiger.  "When you feel so mad that you wanna roar, take a deep breath and count to 4."  I need better self control when it comes to my emotions.  I keep reminding myself that "Blessed are the Peacemakers, for they will be called the Sons of God."  I need to sometimes, keep my opinions to myself.  Especially on social media.  

By the way, anyone know where I could get my kids a filter too?  H and P are getting to an age where they say anything AND everything.  They have humiliated me so badly in public that I could cry from embarrassment.  While at the eye doctor last month,  they told the entire waiting room that when Election Day rolls around, not to vote for Obama, because he stinks and wears girl panties.  They also proceeded to tell the very sweet receptionist that their Daddy has naked pictures of a lady on his phone.  Try explaining that one.  Calm down, girls.  He doesn't really.  It was a meme of a larger lady in a bikini on a motorcycle that someone sent him on his birthday as a joke.  Who's laughing now?  Not me.  Not now that the doctor's office thinks my hubby is a weird pervert.  Ok, I kinda am laughing now.  But I tell you, those babies made a fool of me that day.  No amount of evil eye or threatening a spanking would help matters either.  Not that day.  They teamed up against mommy and they won.  

9.  Be the Best Version of Myself.

I may not be the most organized, together, well rounded momma on the block, but I love my family with everything that is in me.  I was an emotional mess the other night and I told Cody that one of the most important things to me as a momma is to make sure their memories at home are good ones.  I want them to know that momma may have not always had it all together, but she sure tried.  That I didn't worry as much about the messes as much as I wanted them to enjoy the fun they were having playing.  That I loved them and their daddy more than they could ever imagine.   That every decision I made in my life, was with them in mind.  I want to meet their individual needs and show them each their potential in life.  I may not ever be a size zero again, and that's ok.  My body has housed 5 precious souls who I love from the inside out.  I just wanna push myself to be the person that God wants me to be.  And though, I know that I mess up daily, I will do it gracefully and try to learn from my mistakes.  I want to be grateful for each day he blesses me with and be thankful for the little things in life.  I can't wait to see what 2016 has in store!  Be looking for more posts in the near future!  Happy New Year!  Thanks for reading and sharing :)

Harper...Party of 7

     So...the past 6 weeks have been a whirlwind.  There have been lots of smiles, a whole lotta tears,  and even more diapers.  I have been meaning to post long before now.  But to be honest, I have just been too tired...and I am quite the procrastinator.  A few weeks ago, I also felt too vulnerable and emotional to post.  Having a baby...especially 2 babies, can be hard on your nerves and emotions.  On top of recovering from a natural twin delivery,  I sent my babies to Kindergarten shortly after.  Let's just say I needed some time to recover from all that...

        Cody came home from work a few weeks ago to a mess.   Me.   He tried hard not to draw attention to my face.  My cheeks were still damp and stained from mascara.  My lip was quivering and I was piled up on the couch covered in babies.

There was crumbled goldfish scattered all over the floor, along with some odd socks, a bunch of blocks, and a pile of trucks and baby dolls.   I was wearing the same oversized t shirt for the second or third day in a row.  It was Cody's first weekend back at work and I was on my own with all 5 kids.    Cub and Cozi were 8 days old, and Dax had a 101 temp.  A side effect of the horrible ear infection he had developed.  He needed his mommy. So did Cub and Cozi, especially every 2 hours when they needed to nurse.  H and P wanted my attention too.  They were still trying to adjust to having new babies around AND we were trying to get ready for them to start Kindergarten.  They needed me.  ALL 5 of them.  And there was just one of me.  That night, Cody's silence was golden.  He just smiled and took the babies, and told me to go take a bath.  Hot Baths are my saving grace sometimes...

      My hormones were a wreck, I was sleep deprived, and I was about to have to send my biggest babies to Kindergarten.  Weekends are the hardest because, right now, he works.  It sucks because we are by ourselves.  But, that wasn't the last time Cody has come home to me crying.  Actually a lot of days he did.  He still does.   He didn't have to ask, because he already knew what was wrong with me.  I wasn't crying because of stress or sleep deprivation.  I was crying because I was scared I wasn't enough.  I feared I wasn't going to be the momma that all 5 of them deserved.  I was crying because I wanted so badly to figure out a way to homeschool H and P.  The thought of them leaving us throughout the day to attend school crushed my bones.  I had a dozen missed calls, and even more texts that I didn't respond to.  Sorry, friends.  You wanna come visit?  Forget it.  I'm a stubborn woman and I didn't want anyone else to see me vulnerable... and messy...and emotional.  Not to mention my messy house.  I needed my time.  To be honest, I'm still kinda avoiding visitors.   And I was pretty selfish and wanted my babies all to myself too.

But I'm getting ahead of myself...

First off...meet the two newest loves of our lives...Cub and Cozi.

      Let's rewind to their delivery.  July 23rd, 2015.  It was by far, the best delivery I have had so far.  I went in at 5 am and they were here at noon.  My epidural worked better than the past ones.  This wasn't my first rodeo so I knew what was coming.  I also knew that a bag of pitocin would be delivered straight from Satan himself, since he is the one who creates that stuff.  I was also smart enough to ask for drugs!  Been there, done that...and I sure knew I wanted to meds!  Advice for new mommas...get an epidural.  ;)  Ofcourse, I was super emotional, as always.  Mom was sure to document that with the pictures she took.  We were all excited for the babies to be here!  But it was scary too.  Cody, Momma, Rhonda, and Nana were in the room to witness their arrival.  :)

Best Doctor...EVER!  

Cozi Blu Harper was born first...weighing in at a whopping 4 pounds and 14 ounces.

She was literally out in one push, y'all.  You know in movies when the girl sneezes and the baby comes out?  I swear it was like that, haha!  My girl was blowing kisses as soon as she entered the world! :)

Cub Sullivan Harper arrived 30 minutes later.  He made momma work a lot harder to get him here...

Momma Bear's little Cub.   He weighed 4 pounds 8 ounces.  He looks so much like Hudson!  And Cozi looks just like Paislee!

   The picture above was taken shortly after delivery.  Did I mention I felt like I was dying shortly after?  Haha, I looked like death...that was for sure.  I was so tired and felt a bit overwhelmed and drunk.  My husband, sweet nurse, Beth, and my two best friends witnessed my meltdown shortly after.  I knew something wasn't right because I felt extremely weak.  After losing a lot of blood, they gave me several rounds of pitocin.  I was so exhausted and was waking up from light slumbers with very ugly curse words spewing off my lips involuntarily.  I called my poor mom, who had left to grab a quick bite to eat, to inform her that I needed her back ASAP.  I told her that no one warned me "I'd be going into DAMN labor again."  Please, God, forgive me for what I said while I was in pain.  Poor Cody didn't know what to do.  He wasn't used to me cursing like that.  But I really needed my momma, and she came back pretty fast. 

Cub and Cozi were perfectly healthy and needed no NICU time...can I get a "Hallelujah?"!!!

BE STILL MY HEART...

      These were the moments when nothing else mattered...my heart was full.  We were all smitten over our two new additions.  The hardest part of the hospital stay was being away from Hudson, Paislee, and Dax.  Mom told me to rest and enjoy my time away, because things would get crazy when we all got home.  But that's all we know...that's our life and we love it.  I bawled like a baby missing them.  Our FaceTime chats made me wanna jerk the IV out of my arm, grab my babies, and make an escape.  Worst home sick ever!  The doctor on call that Sunday took her sweet time making her rounds to discharge us.  Mom and my sister in laws, Haley and Hannah, had stayed at our house to make it easier on the kids.  I was never so happy to go home and be with Cody and all our babies.  Even though it was crazy at home, I had never felt more at peace with my life.  Just when we were settled at home the next week this happened...

He will kill me for posting this pic.   It may embarrass him, but hey, at least I'm not discussing his testicles this time, haha!  We were ALL bawling like babies the night before school.  Cody kept telling me to pull it together and then he had a meltdown during their bedtime story. 

Tears...

Leaving that parking lot without them, was the hardest thing I've ever done.  I went home, cried, drank coffee, cried some more.  Then I began Facebook stalking all of my friends that work at their school.  Heather, Cristin, and Danielle...thank you for comforting this momma by checking on them and sending me pics.  You're the best!

      God answered a huge prayer last week, when daddy got hired there.  We are all so excited that he is at the same school with them!  We have now been in school a month and H and P love it.  They have made sweet friends and they LOVE their teacher!  I have to say, I am pretty proud of myself too.  I bit my tongue when Paislee came home one day and said her friend didn't wanna play with her at recess.  But it hurt my heart.  I didn't call and tattle to the teacher when a little boy made fun of Hudson for crying over missing me.  But I'm taking names, and those kiddos are on my shit list.  A place you don't wanna be, even if you're 5.  :)  I'm kidding not really!!!  And guess what...I haven't yanked them out and threatened to homeschool.  Anyone else, proud?!? 

      We are busy, busy, busy around here!  I start the day off with expectations of housework to get checked off.  Usually very few, or none of them actually happen.  I just washed my hair for the first time in a week today.  Thank God for baby powder and dry shampoo.  I don't always shave my legs, but as soon as I start, you better believe both babies start screaming their lungs out and Dax destroys every new roll of toilet paper we have.  My momma told me yesterday that my car was too messy and I really needed to shave my toes.  Seriously?  Haha!  Can someone tell her I have 5 kids?  I'm pretty sure I still have flecks of polish stained from Easter.  Yes, I know my car smells like spoiled sippy cups and pee pee diapers.  Get off my case, lady.  You worry about your toes and I'll worry about mine, haha!  ;)

       I do tend to beat myself up a whole lot lately.  I have a bad case of post partum momma guilt.  I cried so hard to Cody a couple weeks ago over this.  I want to be the momma that they deserve all the time.  I am still having a hard time giving them all individual attention.  I just wanna be enough for them.  God has blessed me more that I deserve and I wanna be the best momma for them.  But the fact that 5 little people are so dependent on me, is overwhelming.  What if I screw this up?  Dear Lord, please don't let them be discussing me in therapy when they are adults.  Let me be patient, no matter how tired I am.   Let me hear every story they tell me...all 501 stories a day.  Let me look them in the eye and let them know how important they are.  I never want them to forget, through all the chaos, that they are my happy place.  My crazy happy place.  Everything I do is for them.  I don't want them to remember all the laundry piles and dishes.  I don't want them to think I was a neglectful mom for letting them keep their room messy most of the time.  I don't want them to remember me for saying the word shit too much in front of them.  Especially when I trip on all the hot wheels and clean up the 20th cup of spilled juice.  Or when Dax steals every pacifier from Cub and Cozi and hides them, especially right after they've fallen asleep.  Sleep Deprivation can make a momma grumpy sometimes.  

I have to take a minute and brag on this guy.  ^^^ Over the past couple years, I have watched him transform into the best husband and daddy I know.  He has become more patient, loving, and helpful to me.  He made sure the first few weeks that I got to take a nap every day since I was up most of the night nursing.  He has played with the kids and changed diapers.  He has been there for me and comforted me when I felt like a crazy mess.  He kept me sane.  He helped me through labor.  He held my hand through the first day of Kindergarten for H and P.  You're a good man, Cody Harper.  Fatherhood looks good on you, babe.  And I think we make a great team.   I love you more than I did 12 years ago when we first got together.

I know this is a lot to read...but I have to end this post with these pics...

One year ago, I began this blogging journey.  I decided to step outside my comfort zone and share our stories of infertility and overcoming it.  I am so glad I did.  You guys have been such awesome support and prayer warriors for us.  A year ago, we decided it was time to bring some of our frosties home, where they belong...with us.  

How does anyone say that God isn't real?  How can anyone tell us to be "done,"  even though we have 4 embryos left.  By the way, please don't ever let me hear you say that...or you'll be on my list too, lol.  These two sweet babies were in that bunch of frosties last year, just waiting for us.  We will give them ALL a chance at life.  A chance to join this crazy family...and pray hard that they wanna stay too.  

       It is still sinking in that we are a family of 7!  But we are loving every minute of it.  I praise God that this was his beautiful plan for us.  I can't wait to see where the future takes us.  I have LOTS of funny stories to tell, so I promise to blog again soon!  Until then, Love and Babydust!