Mommy Guilt

      We all know the feeling.  I'll never forget the time I felt that snub little emotion for the first time.  I was standing in the nursery of my unborn twins.  My belly was rather large, as I was around 7 months pregnant.  I took a look around the room and tears flowed down my cheeks.  The reason sounds very cheesy, but it was a legit reason in my mommy mind.  On Paislee's pink side of the room, she had more stuffed animals lined up than Hudson did on his blue side.  I felt so guilty.  You know the kind...mommy guilt.  It's the worst.  I immediately called my mother and told her I HAD to go to Bowling Green that night to get Hudson another stuffed animal for the nursery.  Through my tears,  I heard a few faint giggles that she tried to disguise.  She blamed it on the hormones.  I didn't care what it was.  But I had to make it right.  So what did I do?  I waddled into Dillards and spent $20 on the cutest little brown stuffed puppy that I could find.  As I placed it on the blue side of the nursery that night, I felt relief.  You see, my biggest fear as a twin momma, was that one would feel left out.  I always wanted them to feel equally loved and adored.  I would spend my whole life making sure that happened.  Then, Dax came along.  He was my singleton.  I worried he would feel left out because he didn't have a twin. So I feel like I have spoiled him even worse.
      As I scroll through my news feed on Facebook, I see it all the time.  Mommy wars.  Conversations, arguments, offensive statuses and blog posts.  Breastmilk vs. Formula.  Stay at home vs. Working Mommas.  Vaccinations vs. Non Vaccinations.  Organic vs. (Normal) Food.  Natural vs. Conventional Childbirth.  The thing is every mother is faced with each of those choices for their child.  And the fact is, most all of us have our child's very best interest at heart.    Since when is it ok to build ourselves up by tearing other mommas down?  Let's be honest...we all judge sometimes.  I know I do.  I sometimes question in my mind why mother's don't try harder to breastfeed when I see them get formula out for their newborn.  I wonder why some would rather pay a babysitter and go into the workforce instead of staying home with their children.  But you know what? ...I don't know their hearts or their situation.  It is not my business or my place to judge.  In all reality, we know there is no such thing as the perfect mother.  But you know what?  There are a million ways to be an awesome one.  We often beat ourselves up.  And when we aren't doing that, we are putting other mommas down.
      If you are for "natural" childbirth, that is awesome!  But don't shame the tired mother that opted for an edipural.  I have experienced both sides, and I don't think it makes you more of a woman by not getting some relief.  We are human.  That amount of pain isn't fathomable until you are in the moment.  Get drugs, you deserve it.  :)   But if you went through it completely natural,  I am reaching through my laptop right now and patting you on the back.  You rock, Momma!  Just my opinion.  And those that are debating vaccinations.  Just stop.  No one is going to completely agree on the subject.  We all google and see scary things, but I don't think anyone knows the "right" answer on that topic.  There are still a couple shots that my children have not received because I didn't see it necessary.  We also decided to delay others, just to be safe.  But think of it this way,  the mother you are preaching to about vaccinating their child, may have another child in their family with autism.  They may have a fear that THEIR decision as a mother caused that.  And that may just be the deciding factor in their decision.  Like I said before, we are all doing the best we can.  Stop judging and start uplifting.  
      Last week I heard a report on the news that Kraft Singles cheese is one factor away from being plastic.  I freaked out a little.  Shit!  I have been feeding my kids plastic sandwiches.  I am a horrible mom!  So I went to Sams, and bought "real" cheese and lunch meat without carcinogens.  Kraft tastes much better, but at least I can count cheese off of my conscience.  Now that I am pregnant I analyze everything.  I feel guilty when I have a tuna sandwich or a glass of tea.  Mercury AND caffeine?  How could you, Andi?!?  Most of the time, my house is a disaster, yet I feel like I clean and do laundry all of the time.  When I am cleaning,  I feel guilty because I am not sitting down with the kids.  But when we are playing and there are dishes stacked up,  I feel bad for not having the housework done.  Ugh!  When does it end?  Here's the thing...there just are not enough hours in the day.  Some days, the dishes will be done and other days the sink will be overflowing.  And I'll just be honest with you and with myself , the laundry will NEVER be caught up.  But you know what, my priorities are in order.  I take care of 3 small children and am growing 2 more inside of me.  I cook most of their meals.  BUT,  we also have lots of slushies and corn dogs too.  I cook broccoli, beans, and carrots...but we do Mcdonalds sometimes too.  I like to think that I am expanding there palette.  ;)  Sometimes, we don't read books or practice our handwriting...because I am tired.  Some days we watch too many movies because I am puking from all the morning/all day sickness.  Regardless, of how awesome our day has went...at bedtime every night...I tend to analyze every decision I made that day.  

-"You let them have too many sweets today."
-"Did they brush their teeth enough?"
-"You shouldn't have yelled."
-"You should take them to the library more...you've never done that."
-"You shouldn't say shit in front of them."
-"Where did my 4 year old learn to twerk?  You should really work on that."
-"You should spend more one on one time with the hubby.  You really should have sex more often."
-"You shouldn't text during the day or answer emails.  Be present 24/7."
-"You should make more healthy meals."
-"Why can't you be organized like other mom's.  You are a mess and so is your car."
-"Dax ate half a crayon today...you shouldn't have let him color that valentine."

.....The list is never-ending.  Mommas, you feel me?

      But you know what?  I woke up this morning and I kept 3 sweet babies happy and their bellies were full.  We made valentines and had cheesy potato soup for lunch.  Even though their is a whopping pile of laundry sitting next to me...we did clean one bedroom today...AND the kitchen.  We built forts this week out of old quilts and beach towels.  We did foot massages and Paislee did my makeup.  We have laughed, we have danced in our pj's, and we've cuddled a lot.  We have made chocolate chip pancakes and took turns stirring.  So instead of feeling so guilty tonight, I am gonna trade it in for a cookie or a pickle. ;)

      As momma's we all have something in common.  We are all part of a common sisterhood.  Why are we constantly battling each other?  Little things throughout our day, already trigger the mommy guilt.  We shouldn't be bringing that feeling to fellow mommas.  It's not fair.  Why can't we just say "good job, momma."  Why can't we just offer a smile instead of an opinion?  I have seen first hand this week, that little girls can be mean at a very young age.  You know why?  We are setting that example.  They hear their mothers and other women they look up to, constantly gossiping and judging other mommas because they do things different.  I once heard a quote that stood out to me and made me really think.  "You teach your child to either love like you love or hate like you hate."  Let's raise our kids to LOVE not hate.  Encourage not argue.  Let's set an example, mommas.  Stop the momma shaming.  Let's start showing each other mutual respect.  We are all on the same team.   And let's try to let go of the guilt a little more often.  As always, thanks for reading and sharing my totally random web of thoughts.  Love and God bless!