Last week I had lost an item that someone had loaned me. It was the straw that broke the camel's back that night. I. lose. everything. I lose my bra on a daily basis, seriously. My hubby always tells me to put it somewhere I will remember, but then I forget where that is. I found myself googling symptoms of amnesia a couple weeks ago. Turns out, it's just what happens with 3 kids under 5 and running your own business. I think the term for it is mommy brain... Anyways, Cody found me sorting through our piles of laundry searching frantically for it with tears rolling down my face. "Oh my God, you are letting THIS get you so upset?!?" Ofcourse, he blames the Lupron and my stupid hormones. I'm sure that is a factor too. "No, I'm a mess, Cody! My house is a mess, my car is a mess, I am a MESS. And everyone knows it. I am unorganized and I lose shit all the time." He assured me that I beat myself up too much. I eventually found the lost item, as I usually do. And everything was ok, but I still felt bad about the constant state of messiness my house was in. If you're expecting June Cleaver, you won't find her here.
In my house we make messes. We play, we are loud, and it is a little chaotic. Ok, maybe a lot chaotic. But I wouldn't have it any other way. I love my little mess makers. But it doesn't mean I don't feel mommy guilt about keeping my house tidy for my family. I try. I really do...but most of the time, it gets me no where. Today as I was scrubbing last
Later while sorting through laundry, Hudson is tugging at my leg asking me over and over to smell his finger. Don't ask me why. He says it stinks, but won't tell me why, lol. :/ Will this laundry ever end? I never seem to be caught up. Last week I found an Easter shirt that hadn't yet been washed. You know that commercial where that dad washes his daughter's dress up costumes once a week? And at the end they are running through their perfectly clean house and mowed yard while partaking in imaginary play. Yeah. What planet is he from? Is that the only laundry he has? How is his house so clean? My house looks like Toys R Us caught the stomach flu and vomitted in every corner of my living room. Actually, every room. And where is the little girl's mom in that commercial? I read something earlier about the President not being totally supportive of stay at home moms. Please don't quote me on that...because I am the last person that needs to talk politics. But, if it is true. Shame on you, Mr. President. And shame on you, feminists. I said it, and I don't mean to offend anyone, but it's the truth. Don't get me wrong, it isn't for everyone. And I am blessed enough to do both. I stay at home and run a photography business. Having the luxury of staying at home is something that should be commended. It isn't easy, but it is the most rewarding thing I have EVER done. And guess what? The reason my house is in shambles, is because they are playing at home all day, every day. And they love home. I have witnessed every. single. milestone. I kiss the boo boos, I scramble the eggs, fix the peanut butter and jelly, pour the cups and bottles. But In my opinion, that is something that money cannot buy. I'll be honest, there is shit everywhere. There is even shit on my arm (literally). Don't worry, I'll clean it off. Dax had a very messy diaper ;). Mommyhood isn't glamorous, but it is beautiful. Sometimes, I don't have time to shower or wash my hair. And yesterday's makeup is better than no makeup at all, right? I have tons of friends that would love to be home with their babies every day and cannot because they have to provide financially for their family. I applause you all, because I know it has to be hard to leave your kids everyday when you want nothing more to be at home. If you have the choice to be at home or to work, choose to be with your babies. They are only little once, and once those years are gone, they're gone. Wow, I totally got off subject again. I guess that's what I get for sitting down and typing while watching the CMA's.
I eventually got around to picking up the living room a little bit with many interruptions of playing cars and tickle monster. I also had to take a break to put soap in Paislee's mouth for calling her brother an asshole. No, we don't allow or use that kind of language in our house. We go to church and teach them about Jesus. But it still happens sometimes. Blame my parenting abilities...or Netflix, I'm still not sure where she got it. Go ahead and laugh or judge, you know you want to. Anyone that knows me, is very aware of my laughing habit. And boy can that be a curse when trying to discipline your child for swearing. But Hudson got back at her by calling her the "C" word. Relax. He called her a cotton headed ninny muggins. Anyone that has seen the movie Elf, knows where he got that name. :) The kids played their "pick up" game after being bribed with Halloween candy. They ran as fast as they could and picked up all the baby dolls and hot wheels out of the floor and enjoyed their treat. I know I probably should've use a banana, but I don't think it would've been as effective ;). Paislee ends up in tears 2 minutes later, because, Dax, our 1 year old ate ALL of her m & m's. Daddy walks through the door.
Most of the time I try to explain to him why I haven't gotten anything accomplished. Thank God he isn't a husband who minds the mess. He constantly reminds me that I am a great mom and not to feel guilt about the house. I love him. I began to tell him about our day and Paislee's potty mouth, he proceeds to tell me about deer season this weekend. Did I say I love him? (eye roll) Maybe I should take a lesson from Pais and call him a name or two ;). We scramble to get the kids ready and head to bowling green on a hot date. Chic Fil A and shopping for our early Christmas presents to each other! A new washing machine and dryer. Ours went out this week, so we had to go look for one. By the way, we don't do date nights. We have 3 kids and they go everywhere we go. Kudos to couples that take time and do that, that is awesome. Once we went to a concert and I nearly had a panic attack and made everyone leave as soon as Jason Aldean came out on stage. No lie. I do not like being away from my kids. We probably should date, but we choose not to. For Anniversary and Valentine's Day, they accompany us. It may be stressful at times, but its crazy fun, and thats how we roll. :)
Mom decided to come along for the trip to Bowling Green tonight and I know she is judging my car as soon as she hops inside. Love you, momma, but you know it's true! Don't even get me started on my car. It is a tad messy! There are 10 pairs of shoes. Purses, sippys, pacis, diapers...everything you can think of. A few syringes fell out of the passengers side the other day. When I am on injections every day, sometimes you gotta do it at a red light, you know? We hear the kids arguing and asking 21 questions. Hudson asks, "Hey, Dad, how did Jesus make eyeballs?" Paislee yell, "Mommy, you're the best mommy in the whole world." Dax screams, "BITE!" LOL, They know how to warm my heart. :) When we arrive at Chic Fil A, Mom is horrified when she discovers that Dax has on mismatched socks. Seriously, mom? Atleast he is wearing socks. I know I am scatterbrained, but I will make sure my children's feet are warm, but not ALWAYS fashionable. ;) After they ate their chicken nuggets and fruit, it was time to head to the play area. They have just recently started being "big kids" and going by theirselves while we sit outside the window. As Hudson slips off his camo rain boots, I about die when I remember I made him put on Paislee's princess socks. Poor Hudson. Give this momma a break, our dryer is broken. A momma's gotta do, what a momma's gotta do. I feel bad, but he doesn't seem to mind. We are all in stitches laughing at this point. But I wish I had a picture of the moment Cody saw them twerking in the top play area. Did I mention everyone in the place could see? Oh lord, good thing Daddy was in a good mood tonight and Ninny was with us ;).
We eventually made it home and did our bedtime routine and put our little monkeys to bed. When I lay down each night, I ask myself..."am I enough?" Did we read enough books? Did we practice enough handwriting? Talk enough about Jesus? Did I cuddle them enough today? Do they realize my love for them? I hope they always know the passion and love I have for them. They are our whole world. I know I may not be the most organized momma on the block. Our life is chaotic, it is messy, it is loud, but it is ours. And I love my life...so much. And as crazy as it sounds, I cannot wait to add more babies to our bunch!
Thanks for reading and please SHARE if you like it. More to come on my infertility struggles next Monday and the next part of our story! Love you all!
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