Harper...Party of 7

     So...the past 6 weeks have been a whirlwind.  There have been lots of smiles, a whole lotta tears,  and even more diapers.  I have been meaning to post long before now.  But to be honest, I have just been too tired...and I am quite the procrastinator.  A few weeks ago, I also felt too vulnerable and emotional to post.  Having a baby...especially 2 babies, can be hard on your nerves and emotions.  On top of recovering from a natural twin delivery,  I sent my babies to Kindergarten shortly after.  Let's just say I needed some time to recover from all that...

        Cody came home from work a few weeks ago to a mess.   Me.   He tried hard not to draw attention to my face.  My cheeks were still damp and stained from mascara.  My lip was quivering and I was piled up on the couch covered in babies.

There was crumbled goldfish scattered all over the floor, along with some odd socks, a bunch of blocks, and a pile of trucks and baby dolls.   I was wearing the same oversized t shirt for the second or third day in a row.  It was Cody's first weekend back at work and I was on my own with all 5 kids.    Cub and Cozi were 8 days old, and Dax had a 101 temp.  A side effect of the horrible ear infection he had developed.  He needed his mommy. So did Cub and Cozi, especially every 2 hours when they needed to nurse.  H and P wanted my attention too.  They were still trying to adjust to having new babies around AND we were trying to get ready for them to start Kindergarten.  They needed me.  ALL 5 of them.  And there was just one of me.  That night, Cody's silence was golden.  He just smiled and took the babies, and told me to go take a bath.  Hot Baths are my saving grace sometimes...

      My hormones were a wreck, I was sleep deprived, and I was about to have to send my biggest babies to Kindergarten.  Weekends are the hardest because, right now, he works.  It sucks because we are by ourselves.  But, that wasn't the last time Cody has come home to me crying.  Actually a lot of days he did.  He still does.   He didn't have to ask, because he already knew what was wrong with me.  I wasn't crying because of stress or sleep deprivation.  I was crying because I was scared I wasn't enough.  I feared I wasn't going to be the momma that all 5 of them deserved.  I was crying because I wanted so badly to figure out a way to homeschool H and P.  The thought of them leaving us throughout the day to attend school crushed my bones.  I had a dozen missed calls, and even more texts that I didn't respond to.  Sorry, friends.  You wanna come visit?  Forget it.  I'm a stubborn woman and I didn't want anyone else to see me vulnerable... and messy...and emotional.  Not to mention my messy house.  I needed my time.  To be honest, I'm still kinda avoiding visitors.   And I was pretty selfish and wanted my babies all to myself too.

But I'm getting ahead of myself...

First off...meet the two newest loves of our lives...Cub and Cozi.

      Let's rewind to their delivery.  July 23rd, 2015.  It was by far, the best delivery I have had so far.  I went in at 5 am and they were here at noon.  My epidural worked better than the past ones.  This wasn't my first rodeo so I knew what was coming.  I also knew that a bag of pitocin would be delivered straight from Satan himself, since he is the one who creates that stuff.  I was also smart enough to ask for drugs!  Been there, done that...and I sure knew I wanted to meds!  Advice for new mommas...get an epidural.  ;)  Ofcourse, I was super emotional, as always.  Mom was sure to document that with the pictures she took.  We were all excited for the babies to be here!  But it was scary too.  Cody, Momma, Rhonda, and Nana were in the room to witness their arrival.  :)

Best Doctor...EVER!  

Cozi Blu Harper was born first...weighing in at a whopping 4 pounds and 14 ounces.

She was literally out in one push, y'all.  You know in movies when the girl sneezes and the baby comes out?  I swear it was like that, haha!  My girl was blowing kisses as soon as she entered the world! :)

Cub Sullivan Harper arrived 30 minutes later.  He made momma work a lot harder to get him here...

Momma Bear's little Cub.   He weighed 4 pounds 8 ounces.  He looks so much like Hudson!  And Cozi looks just like Paislee!

   The picture above was taken shortly after delivery.  Did I mention I felt like I was dying shortly after?  Haha, I looked like death...that was for sure.  I was so tired and felt a bit overwhelmed and drunk.  My husband, sweet nurse, Beth, and my two best friends witnessed my meltdown shortly after.  I knew something wasn't right because I felt extremely weak.  After losing a lot of blood, they gave me several rounds of pitocin.  I was so exhausted and was waking up from light slumbers with very ugly curse words spewing off my lips involuntarily.  I called my poor mom, who had left to grab a quick bite to eat, to inform her that I needed her back ASAP.  I told her that no one warned me "I'd be going into DAMN labor again."  Please, God, forgive me for what I said while I was in pain.  Poor Cody didn't know what to do.  He wasn't used to me cursing like that.  But I really needed my momma, and she came back pretty fast. 

Cub and Cozi were perfectly healthy and needed no NICU time...can I get a "Hallelujah?"!!!

BE STILL MY HEART...

      These were the moments when nothing else mattered...my heart was full.  We were all smitten over our two new additions.  The hardest part of the hospital stay was being away from Hudson, Paislee, and Dax.  Mom told me to rest and enjoy my time away, because things would get crazy when we all got home.  But that's all we know...that's our life and we love it.  I bawled like a baby missing them.  Our FaceTime chats made me wanna jerk the IV out of my arm, grab my babies, and make an escape.  Worst home sick ever!  The doctor on call that Sunday took her sweet time making her rounds to discharge us.  Mom and my sister in laws, Haley and Hannah, had stayed at our house to make it easier on the kids.  I was never so happy to go home and be with Cody and all our babies.  Even though it was crazy at home, I had never felt more at peace with my life.  Just when we were settled at home the next week this happened...

He will kill me for posting this pic.   It may embarrass him, but hey, at least I'm not discussing his testicles this time, haha!  We were ALL bawling like babies the night before school.  Cody kept telling me to pull it together and then he had a meltdown during their bedtime story. 

Tears...

Leaving that parking lot without them, was the hardest thing I've ever done.  I went home, cried, drank coffee, cried some more.  Then I began Facebook stalking all of my friends that work at their school.  Heather, Cristin, and Danielle...thank you for comforting this momma by checking on them and sending me pics.  You're the best!

      God answered a huge prayer last week, when daddy got hired there.  We are all so excited that he is at the same school with them!  We have now been in school a month and H and P love it.  They have made sweet friends and they LOVE their teacher!  I have to say, I am pretty proud of myself too.  I bit my tongue when Paislee came home one day and said her friend didn't wanna play with her at recess.  But it hurt my heart.  I didn't call and tattle to the teacher when a little boy made fun of Hudson for crying over missing me.  But I'm taking names, and those kiddos are on my shit list.  A place you don't wanna be, even if you're 5.  :)  I'm kidding not really!!!  And guess what...I haven't yanked them out and threatened to homeschool.  Anyone else, proud?!? 

      We are busy, busy, busy around here!  I start the day off with expectations of housework to get checked off.  Usually very few, or none of them actually happen.  I just washed my hair for the first time in a week today.  Thank God for baby powder and dry shampoo.  I don't always shave my legs, but as soon as I start, you better believe both babies start screaming their lungs out and Dax destroys every new roll of toilet paper we have.  My momma told me yesterday that my car was too messy and I really needed to shave my toes.  Seriously?  Haha!  Can someone tell her I have 5 kids?  I'm pretty sure I still have flecks of polish stained from Easter.  Yes, I know my car smells like spoiled sippy cups and pee pee diapers.  Get off my case, lady.  You worry about your toes and I'll worry about mine, haha!  ;)

       I do tend to beat myself up a whole lot lately.  I have a bad case of post partum momma guilt.  I cried so hard to Cody a couple weeks ago over this.  I want to be the momma that they deserve all the time.  I am still having a hard time giving them all individual attention.  I just wanna be enough for them.  God has blessed me more that I deserve and I wanna be the best momma for them.  But the fact that 5 little people are so dependent on me, is overwhelming.  What if I screw this up?  Dear Lord, please don't let them be discussing me in therapy when they are adults.  Let me be patient, no matter how tired I am.   Let me hear every story they tell me...all 501 stories a day.  Let me look them in the eye and let them know how important they are.  I never want them to forget, through all the chaos, that they are my happy place.  My crazy happy place.  Everything I do is for them.  I don't want them to remember all the laundry piles and dishes.  I don't want them to think I was a neglectful mom for letting them keep their room messy most of the time.  I don't want them to remember me for saying the word shit too much in front of them.  Especially when I trip on all the hot wheels and clean up the 20th cup of spilled juice.  Or when Dax steals every pacifier from Cub and Cozi and hides them, especially right after they've fallen asleep.  Sleep Deprivation can make a momma grumpy sometimes.  

I have to take a minute and brag on this guy.  ^^^ Over the past couple years, I have watched him transform into the best husband and daddy I know.  He has become more patient, loving, and helpful to me.  He made sure the first few weeks that I got to take a nap every day since I was up most of the night nursing.  He has played with the kids and changed diapers.  He has been there for me and comforted me when I felt like a crazy mess.  He kept me sane.  He helped me through labor.  He held my hand through the first day of Kindergarten for H and P.  You're a good man, Cody Harper.  Fatherhood looks good on you, babe.  And I think we make a great team.   I love you more than I did 12 years ago when we first got together.

I know this is a lot to read...but I have to end this post with these pics...

One year ago, I began this blogging journey.  I decided to step outside my comfort zone and share our stories of infertility and overcoming it.  I am so glad I did.  You guys have been such awesome support and prayer warriors for us.  A year ago, we decided it was time to bring some of our frosties home, where they belong...with us.  

How does anyone say that God isn't real?  How can anyone tell us to be "done,"  even though we have 4 embryos left.  By the way, please don't ever let me hear you say that...or you'll be on my list too, lol.  These two sweet babies were in that bunch of frosties last year, just waiting for us.  We will give them ALL a chance at life.  A chance to join this crazy family...and pray hard that they wanna stay too.  

       It is still sinking in that we are a family of 7!  But we are loving every minute of it.  I praise God that this was his beautiful plan for us.  I can't wait to see where the future takes us.  I have LOTS of funny stories to tell, so I promise to blog again soon!  Until then, Love and Babydust!

Crazy Momma Bear Syndrome

      The first step to resolving a problem is admitting you have one.  I am well aware of the fact that I am an overbearing,  overprotective, and a controlling momma.  It all started the week my very first babies came home from the hospital.  When we had visitors bring food and come to visit, I had to step in the other room and bawl my eyes out because I had to let them hold them.  I was scared it would stimulate their tiny, preemie selves too much...and to be honest, I didn't really wanna share. 

 They spent several weeks in the NICU and I had a fear that they might not realize that I was "mommy."  Since we didn't get to bond 24/7 those first weeks of their lives.  They were nearly 6 months old before I let their daddy drive them anywhere in a vehicle without me.  But just for the record, if you knew how many fender benders my man has had...you'd have to agree with that decision.  Just kidding, Cody...kinda!  Just when I thought I was getting a little more relaxed we decided to have a "date night" when they were a year old.  We went with friends to a concert during the CMA festival in Nashville.  When it started to get dark, I had the worst feeling ever come over me.  I felt the worst home sick I have ever experienced.  Just as Jason Aldean was coming out, I informed them that we had to leave at that minute.  I'm pretty sure I sprinted all the way down the ramp at LP Field.  I HAD to get to my babies!  And that my friends, is why we don't do date nights.   To this day, I can count on one hand the people I have allowed to watch my children.   If you happen to be one of them, consider yourself trusted and loved by us.   As I got more serious into my photography career, I bought tickets to a training in Nashville for the day.  I was getting ready to leave and a million thoughts started to run through my mind.  I just knew I'd be hit by a semi on the interstate and leave my babies motherless.  I cancelled 2 hours before the event and lost my money.  But in return, I had a peace in my mind, my babies in my arms, and my guts NOT scattered on the side of the freeway.  To this day, I get up during the night and feel their chests to make sure they are breathing ok.  Before becoming a parent, my worst fear was a car accident, shark attack, or being stuck on an elevator.  Now my fears are child molesters, SIDS, childhood cancer, and one of my babies being hit by a car.  Along with a long list of other bad things that could happen. 

      I guess you could add stubborn to one of my lovely qualities as well.  When we found out we were going to be parents, I was dead set on doing it ourselves.  Don't get me wrong, it "takes a village."  I am aware of that.  And I am very thankful for our awesome and supportive parents, friends, and family.  They are the best!   However,  I wholeheartedly feel that Grandparent duties are abused often in this decade.  Sister, I'm just gonna tell you like it is.  When you make the decision to have a baby, it is your responsibility...not yo Momma's...not yo Grandmomma's.  That sweet baby is yours to love and yours to raise.  That's just my opinion...anyways...getting off topic. Call me old fashioned, but I feel like grandparent's should be able to enjoy their grandkids...and not have to babysit and raise them on a weekly basis. 

      Cody and I have always made a point for one of us to be with them most of the time.  I schedule my sessions when he can watch them in the evenings, and I have been blessed enough to be home during the day since they were babies.  I feel like I need to be around at all times to correct them and clean up there messes so others don't have to.  Don't get me wrong, sometimes they need to be corrected and disciplined...actually a lot of times.  Because, let me tell ya, they can be a WHOLE lot to handle.  Sometimes I know our parents are secretly cringing when they see my wild bunch running to the doors, haha!  Just for the record, if you aren't in that lovely, tight knit circle, please don't try to parent my children or be rude/hurt their feelings.  You don't wanna face my wrath...it aint pretty.  I'm kidding...a little bit.    

      You'd think when the second pregnancy happens...you'd be more relaxed.  And I kinda was.  His delivery was much smoother and he came home when we did.  We had visitors and I enjoyed it...I didn't freak out.  He exclusively nursed, so I had a legitimate excuse to have him with me at all times.  

We did baby wearing, and he was literally my little titty baby :).  When he was 6 months old, our family flew to Chicago for H and P to be on the Steve Harvey show.  I, along with my mother, bawled our eyes out on the flight there.  "How could I risk the lives of my children by bringing them on an airplane??!?!?!"  What a horrible mother!  Had I flown before?  Absolutely.  Several times.  Cody, however, had not.  We had joked that we would slip him a nerve pill so he would stay calm during the flight.  Instead,  he was consoling my mess of a self.  On the flight home, I swear if an air marshall hadn't been sitting beside me, I would have ran up and down the aisles screaming like a psychotic woman.  I wanted to get my babies on the ground ASAP.  Will we be flying again anytime soon?  Don't think so! ;)  On a recent trip to Nashville, I texted my mother a living will via text, just in case Cody and I were hit by a semi.  Call it crazy, call it anxiety...but I know I've got it bad.  

      In less than 2 weeks, I will be giving birth to my 4th and 5th child.  To say we are all excited is an understatement.  But, I do have my worries too.  Imagine that? 

 How will my Dax adjust?  He is the baby and needs me to go to sleep with him every night while we watch "Move it Move it", (Madagascar).  Will he really feel like a middle child?  Will he feel like he isn't "my baby" anymore? How will H and P do going to Kindergarten with 2 new babies at home?  Should I have spent more time reading to them instead of making trips to the park?  Will they be respectful and use manners?  What if they cuss at school?   Please don't let Hudson say the word "winkie"...Will they feel neglected?  How will I be able to fulfill all of their needs and wants efficiently and give them all the attention they are used to and deserve...all 6 of them, including my husband.  Will I be enough?  How will I manage my house and keep my energy up for them?  How will sweet Cub and Cozi adjust to our crazy chaos?  Dear Lord, I know I need your strength and guidance now, more than ever.

      I know what you have to be thinking.  I am uptight and overbearing.  But I promise I'm actually pretty calm, cool, and collected most of the time.  I let them wrestle, get boo boo's, and run around like hoodlums.  They play, they have fun.  I know this all sounds dramatic, but I know I can't be alone...right?!?  All this craziness comes from crazy, unconditional love.  My dear husband tells me all the time I need to calm down and relax a little.  Especially when we mention Kindergarten.  I can't tell you how much I have cried at the thought of this big transition coming soon.  You see, I won't be there to make sure they are treated kindly.  I won't be there to help them open their juice boxes.  I won't be there to console them if they fall on the playground.  Someone else will have to take my place for a large portion of their day.  I will have to trust that they will be taken care of.  I will have to let go of my urge to control everything.  The fact is, the world is becoming a scary place to live in.  And as a mother, I'm about to have to give them something they aren't used to...independence.  And it will be my job to watch them explore from a distance.  I have to stand on the sidelines and watch them, cheer for them, and probably witness them get their little hearts broken at some point.  As much as I wish I could protect them always, I know I can't.  I know I hover.  I hover worse than a search and rescue helicopter during a natural disaster.  But I will try to do better.  Even if I have to self medicate in order to do that...kidding!  I joked to Cody that I may have to drive around the parking lot with dark shades and a hat on during recess, to make sure they weren't being picked on, haha!  Any little bullies wanting to pick on my babies, take note!  I wish I could keep them in a bubble and in my sight at all times, but I know that I can't do that.  And it wouldn't be fair to them if I could.  t have to put on a brave face for them, and be excited for them too.  I have to remember that they were God's first.  I need to worry less and pray more.  He will protect them and guide them down the paths they should go, and I have to trust him a little more too.  And I have heard through the grapevine that their teacher is pretty awesome and nurturing, just what I wanted for them.  And, she is a christian...which makes this momma's heart happy!

      My sweet momma reminded me last week that I needed to pull myself together and be happy to know that I HAVE children to send to Kindergarten.  She is right.  How selfish of me to be so worried and upset, when there are parents out there who have lost their children before they even got the chance to experience these milestones?  One of my sweet friends, has a child currently battling cancer.  She has the best attitude and is so strong all the time.  If that happened to me, I'd probably be like I was on the airplane...wanting to run and scream at the top of my lungs.  But she doesn't do that. She is always calm and strong for her family.  Traits that I pray to inherit as a young mother.

      We are at week 35 in this pregnancy.  I am HUGE! 

 I'd be lying if I said I wasn't uncomfortable.  And sleep is something of the past, unless it's during the day when my awesome hubby let's me nap. Yesterday, I was measuring 49 weeks and Cub and Cozi were right at 5 pounds each.  I have been having contractions on and off.  I've been running around like a crazy woman, trying to prepare for their arrival.  I did end up at Labor and Delivery this week to be checked.  I was told 3 times by my doctor to go, but I toughed it out at home and talked myself out of it.  Cody keeps telling me that labor is NOT mind over matter.  That if I was in labor, I couldn't talk myself out of it.  I just want them to stay put a while longer, so they won't struggle in the NICU.  I was having some pretty hard contractions, but not consistent enough to have to stay.  I told my nurse I couldn't be in labor...I had school supplies to buy and I promised the kiddos a trip to the water park this week. ;)  Thankfully, we got to come home and my babies and their little faces were excited to see us walk back through the door.  Don't get me wrong, they had a blast playing at home while their teenage aunts did dubsmash videos and taught them how to "whip and nae nae."  I know that has to be more fun than being with their momma all day!  Haha!  We all cuddled up and went to bed soon after.  I am soaking up these last couple weeks with them.  I know I can't slow time down, but I will relish the moments.  Please pray that we will all transition smoothly to being a family of 7 soon!  Yay!  That sentence makes me so excited and anxious!  I promise I am actually looking forward to visitors and showing them off to our sweet family and friends!   Cub and Cozi are already so loved and we can't wait to welcome them into our crazy...not so little, family! 

Until next time!  Love and baby dust!

6 stupid things never to say to a pregnant momma...

      I feel bad that I have put my blogging off for a few weeks...I am just tired and very busy.  I am entering my 30th week of pregnancy.  Cubb and Cozi are measuring perfectly as of today, and are in the 28th and 38th percentile.  Remember all that energy and nesting I was doing last month?  Yeah,  that is now a thing of the past.  I am super tired and hungry all the time.  I have had multiple people ask me this week if I need to sit down or if I'm ok, because I pant to breathe...a lot.  I guess that's just part of being pregnant with twins in the summertime.  It doesn't help that I'm mildy asthmatic and seriously out of shape either.  I can't climb our steps without sounding like I've ran a leg of the New York Marathon.  I am starting to experience insomnia, which causes me to toss uncomfortably all night and buy too many hair bows for Cozi on Jane.com.  Other than that, I am doing pretty awesome, just feeling as big as a house...and according to my wardrobe that is dwindling daily, I must be as big as I feel.  My husband seems to think so too according to his comments the past week.
      This is the point in my blog where I am going to call him out and tell every detail about our conversations.  He knew it was coming, I warned him when every comment exited his regretful lips.  It's all for good laughs ;)

1.  As I saw him standing in the kitchen last week bent over checking his email, I used the opportunity to run my hand down the back of his pants.  I've always done that.  He hates it and it makes him jump and scream like a little girl.  SO, he had the same reaction he always does.  I responded, "You don't like it cause I'm fat, right?"  This is the part where he is supposed to look at me like I am crazy and say something like, "You, fat?  Are you crazy?  You're not fat, you're glowing!"  Wanna know what my stupid husband says?  " Now, honey, you know I don't even like it when you aren't fat."  HAHAHAHA!  I pretty much tricked him into saying it and he really didn't mean it....well, maybe he did.  But if he did, he'd never admit it.  It was pretty funny, though.  But that wasn't all.  

2. As I was rocking back and forth to get myself out of the bed one morning, he asked me why I was wearing thongs at this point in my pregnancy.  Gee, I'm not sure.  Maybe it's because I was trying to channel my inner sexy, pregnancy goddess.  Or maybe it's because my A...double S is just expanding faster than an ice cream cone melting in the middle of July.  That's right, girls.  They weren't thongs...just my regular panties.  Panties that formerly covered every square inch of my booty.  Panties which I should probably retire until these babies are born. :)

3.  To top off his week of being in the dog house, he thought he'd be a sweet thoughtful husband and suggest I lay down for a nap while he took the kids out to play.  Just when I started to get comfortable, he yelled into the room to tell to lie on the opposite side of the bed, to distribute the weight evenly.  SAY WHAT?  We both laughed hysterically as soon as it came out of his mouth.  You see, our bed slats have been slipping the past few months, and not for reasons that you may think.  Wink, wink.  Anyways, he has had to screw some new ones bolts in.  He was just trying to be thoughtful of that...I guess.  LOL.

      Now,  I guess I'll get off his case.  I guess I need to say that he compliments me and rubs my swollen cankles every night.  He also has marked lots of summer projects off of my honey do list.  He has built me a new fire pit I've been begging for AND helped a ton with the kiddos and the nursery/Dax's room.  Even though I know it drives him nuts, he listens to me chomp on sonic ice (one of my cravings) every night before bed.  He has been home every day, grilled for me, and played with our insanely wild kiddos as much as their little hearts desire.  He is a great husband and daddy.  I'm so blessed to experience this crazy chaos with him...we have so much fun.  I love him, even if he says stupid shit stuff sometimes.

4.  This is the comment I will be fussed at for from the woman who gave birth to me.  My momma hates when I tell things on her, but I can't leave it out.  As she was leaving our house last week, she told me I really need to watch my salt intake, since my face is so swollen.  Thanks, momma!  I'll remember that the next time I invite you over for chips and FRESH  homemade salsa.  ;)  You can always count on yo momma for keeping it honest!  A few hours later, she told me how beautiful I was and asked when she could do some maternity pictures.  I told her if I woke up to a "not so fat" face in a few weeks, I may allow her to shoot a few. 

5.  My sweet Paislee was helping me get ready for work last Thursday.  As always, I was frantically searching for my bra.  Cody says he has no idea how I lose my bra on a daily basis, but somehow I manage to do just that.  I went ahead and slipped on my maxi dress while I waited for it to turn up somewhere.  Pais told me I looked very nice and not to even worry about a bra...my boobies looked "nice and low."  Ya, know, that isn't really the look I was going for...but mommy appreciates the sweet gesture.  :)

6.  Last stupid comment is probably the only one I didn't laugh about.  While leaving an appointment last week, the receptionist tries to start conversation and asks if my first set of twins came into this world natural?  I was very proud to tell her that "yes,"  they sure did!  I delivered H and P naturally and it is something that I am proud of.  It wasn't until later in the conversation I realized that wasn't the question she was asking.  Cody and I both told her that we have done IVF with each pregnancy.  As if we weren't standing there, she yelled to the nurse across the room.  "Nevermind...they did I-V-F."  She then proceeded to tell me that hers were all natural and her worse fear would be to have twins again.  She would never want that again.  Ummm...how am I supposed to respond to that?  A second set of twins isn't a death sentence.  It is very much planned and wanted in our case.  I do not understand how you cannot love it.  I cannot relate to that statement in the least.  Is it easy?  No.  But it's totally rewarding  and worth it.  It makes me sad to think that not all parents of multiples share this opinion.  
      And on the topic of my babies being "natural...." Well this is my take on that.  I've said it once and I'll say it again, my children are all gifts from God...just as yours.  They are not robots...they are our flesh and our blood.   They are an answer to many tears and prayers.  Yes, they may have been conceived differently than yours...but what difference does that make?   I get asked all the time if twins run in the family or if we needed help.  That doesn't bother me.  I use it as a platform to discuss infertility and our success story.  So on that note...do not ask someone if their children are natural.  It is simply rude and small minded.  Especially for families who have been through so much physically, mentally, financially, and emotionally to have the "twins" that you just happened to conceive all on your own.  Maybe you deserve bragging rights...but if you do...then I do too, sister.  We all have something pretty awesome in common, and we should be kind and embrace it.  I have lots of battle wounds and a story for how God, Cody, I, and Dr. Whitworth got them into this world, and I bet mine is longer than yours, lol.  A friend responded on my FB post about this subject earlier this week.  She said her friend that also has twins gets frustrated at being asked if hers are natural or not.  She responds by pointing to one of them and saying, "No, that one is fiberglass."  HAHA!  I definitely may have to steal that one for next time!  A shout out to all my twin mommas out there!  Whether you did fertility or not, we're all in this together and all should be respected and offer support to one another.   

      Word for the wise, don't piss me off or just like Taylor Swift and her song lyrics...I will blog about you.  Just kidding ;)...but really. 

      
      Thank you all for listening to my soap box and always reading and sharing my blog.  I love hearing from you all!  Until next time...LOVE AND BABYDUST :)

Enjoy today, Momma

      It happens all too often, a woman hits her third trimester and is ready for her pregnancy to be done.  I get it, I really do.  You're uncomfortable, you're swollen, you're ready to hold that sweet baby and start dressing it in the closet full of sweet, new baby clothes.  But coming from a momma, that has had two preemie babies, you want that baby to stay put.  The best place for a baby to be those last few weeks is in your belly.  It is not fun to watch your child struggle to breathe and hooked up to feeding tubes and IV's.  It is not easy to have to leave the hospital without them and only see them during visiting hours.  It is especially difficult to not be able to simply hold them and snuggle them anytime you want.  I'll never forget the day I heard my daughter cry for the first time besides at birth.  Cody and I walked into the NICU for feeding and skin to skin time.  We heard the loudest cries as soon as we opened the door to walk down the hallway to their room.  I remember asking him, "I wonder what is wrong with that poor child?"  As we entered the room, I saw 3 nurses surrounding Paislee's little crib.  The screams were coming from her.  Her veins had blew, and they were having to put an IV in her tiny little head.  I lost it.  I got sick and had to go to the waiting room and cry my eyes out until they were finished.  That is the most helpless I have ever felt in my life.  There was nothing I could do to comfort her in that moment.  The next week, when we thought we were getting closer to coming home, Hudson's oxygen levels took a turn for the worst.  Watching him turn blue and hearing that monitor alarm, was one of the scariest moments I've ever experienced.  My point is, enjoy those last weeks with your baby in your womb.  Don't take those little kicks for granted.  You will miss those, I promise.  This will be the last few moments that you won't have to share your sweet blessing with the rest of the world.  Enjoy it.  Don't rush it.
      Sometimes one of the hardest things to do in life is to be still and content.  To live in the moment, without rushing from point A to point B.   I have always struggled with this until becoming a mom.  I have learned that life passes too quickly after having children of your own.  And if you can't slow it down, you better live in the moment and enjoy it before it's gone.  Enjoy the phase you are in...right now.  This quote sums it up perfectly...

"You will never have this day with your children again.  Tomorrow, they'll be a little older than they were today.  This day is a gift.  Breathe & notice.  Smell & touch them; study their faces & little feet & pay attention.  RELISH the CHARMS of the PRESENT.

 Enjoy today, Mama.  It will be over before you know it."

~Jen Hatmaker

      ^^^^ Reading it makes me wanna do the ugly cry.  Since I am typing this at my doctor's appointment, I will refrain, so I don't look like a psycho.

      Right now, I am in my 26th week of my pregnancy with Cubb and Cozi...

   I am swollen, I feel huge, and already measuring 36 weeks.  I'm a bit uncomfortable, but I still have plenty of energy to chase my 3 kiddos and keep up with housework, well...kinda.  ;)  I am craving ice and toothpaste, along with a few other weird things I will not name.  I know, I'm a weirdo, but I swear I could brush my tongue all day long.  I hear that fluoride is toxic, so I don't indulge that craving, haha!  And don't get me started on the smell of laundry detergent and cleaning supplies....ahhhhmazing!  I am probably indulging a little too much in foods that aren't so great for me, like hot dogs and chocolate chip cookies.  I saw a shirt I wanted to order to squeeze my big belly into last week that said, "Feed Me and tell me I'm pretty."  Haha!  I LOVE being home with my babies.  I am so blessed to have a job where I can only work a few hours a week and do my editing and emails at night when they are sleeping.  I LOVE my job,  but if money grew on trees, you better believe I would do nothing but focus all my energy on mommy hood.  But let's be honest, a family of 7 just can't make it on a teacher's salary alone.  I really plan to budget more and let go of my love of boutique baby clothes, so that daddy can be home with us more on the weekends.

     I'm also in the phase of chasing my daredevil 19 month old, Dax around the park, praying he doesn't break a limb.  That child has zero fear and would walk right off a bridge with no hesitation, which is super scary for this momma.  He just laughs at my anxious screams when he tries to run off the porch or the edge of the couch...or kitchen table.  Yes, my friends, he's a climber too.  Lucky me!  BUT, he keeps things interesting and entertaining!  I know that soon, we will be conquering potty training and he won't be the "baby" of the house anymore.  One day, he won't cry for mommy and chase me around the house until I hold him.  Though it is hard to get simple things like dinner accomplished with a baby on my hip, I will enjoy this phase.  Because in a few years, I may have to chase him down for a cuddle.  But I will be glad when we get him used to the idea of being a big brother.  He currently loves to slap at my belly and pinch me when I tell them there are babies in there...then he laughs hysterically.  And don't get me started on those tantrums and temper he has, lol.  We thought he might be the only laid back child we have...WRONG!  That child is wide open from dawn til dark.  And boy is he high maintenance.  This phase isn't always easy, especially being 6 months pregnant with twins,  but I honestly love this adventure.

       Now, I'll be honest...I'm not so crazy about the next phase that is coming...KINDERGARTEN.  I hate that word.  Over the weekend we attended a birthday party and I was in conversation with someone about Hudson and Paislee starting in the fall.  They told me how nice that was going to be for me.  To be able to send them somewhere during the day, so that I could take care of the new twins and Dax.  That thought KILLS me and breaks my heart into a bazillions teeny tiny pieces.  I do not want to send them, y'all.  And the thought of homeschool is looking better and better the closer to August that we get.  I told Cody last night that he was going to have his masters degree in elementary ed soon, so he should just school our kids when he gets home from his teaching job each day.  The look on his face was priceless.  I'm pretty sure he'd rather put his package in a meat grinder  do anything, than have to homeschool our kids each day.  Daddy is pretty awesome.  But, I don't think Daddy quite has the patience for that ;).  I love this age they are at.  I love their sweet imaginations and their 20 questions every 5 minutes.  They are full of life and wonder.  Being able to experience life through the eyes of your child is the most precious thing.  Sure, now they are independent and have attitudes.  But the good far outweighs the bad.

H & P at Kindergarten registration...tear :(

      I love that since my big babies are 5, they can now write me simple notes like I heart Mommy.  Hudson tells me daily now that I am the best mommy and "cooker" in the world.  My pancakes are better than Cracker Barrel...can you believe that?  Haha!  Maybe cause I load mine down with sugar and chocolate chips.  On my birthday a few weeks ago,  Paislee had a surprise for me.  She presented me with a sweet little wadded piece of construction paper with tape all around it.  When I opened it, there was a little pink bracelet inside that she wanted to give me.  It was hers, but she wanted mommy to have it.  I bawled like a baby.  I am a very sentimental person, and that was hands down...the sweetest gift I have ever been given.  It makes my heart happy to be raising babies that have kind hearts and are generous.  Last weekend, on the Saturday before Mother's Day, the kiddos and I had to run to the store to get a few things.  I'll be honest, I didn't feel like going anywhere.  It was hot, I had photo sessions that morning, and a birthday party that afternoon outdoors.  Did I mention it was 90 degrees?  Dax was super fussy and my feet were swollen.  But the babies wanted to do a craft for their Ninny and Grams for Mother's Day.  So to town we went.  Earlier in the week, Daddy took me to pick out flowers and ferns for my gift.  But the babies thought I needed a surprise.  They each had a dollar that their grandpa had given them hours before.  So they had a mission to buy mommy a surprise with their own money.  We all got out and went inside.  Dax threw a fit because he wanted to run wild!  Imagine that!   How mean was I for making him sit in a buggy?!?  Mean mommy!  We got to the dollar section and the kiddos knew it because they recognized a 1 on every tag.  They got so excited!  " This is 1, mom!  Turn your head!  Don't look at what I'm gonna get you!  It's a Mother's Day surprise!"  When they each chose their gift and we got our craft supplies,  I took them to the register to pay.  I explained to the lady that they each wanted to pay with their own money and asked if she could give them their own bag.  She was a rather grumpy little lady and argued that she was putting their gifts in the same bag.  Don't worry girls, I wasn't gonna leave that store until Hudson and Paislee had their own bags for their own gifts.  They were too excited about this.  Paislee handed her $1 and 6 pennies to the lady.  "Here you go, Ma'am.  Thank you."  Hudson was next. "Here's my money, this is for my mommy."  Instead of telling them how sweet they were for doing that, she proceeded to ask me if these 3 were all mine, without a trace of a pleasant look to her face.  "All 3 of them...and 2 on the way."  "Well...you sure do have your hands full."  If I had a dollar for every time I hear that.  I don't think she meant it hateful.  I was just hoping for a little kindness.  I was tired and maxed out for the day.  As I was walking out the door, fighting back tears, a sweet woman behind me told me Happy Mother's Day, and told me I was blessed, all with a smile.  That was so nice to hear in that moment.   And I did, indeed have an amazing Mother's Day!  We went to my favorite place, Paradise Point and we played outside the rest of the gorgeous afternoon.  Playing sidewalk chalk and baseball...can't forget swinging on the swing set!  AND Daddy went and got Pizza for dinner.  That was a great end to a wonderful day with my sweet babies!  Man, that was a LONG rambling paragraph.  Sorry, girls...you know how I can be sometimes when I'm telling a story.

       Right now, I am the most important person in my kiddo's lives.  Sorry, Cody!  Love you, but it's true.    Not to diss Daddy.  Dads are super important too.  But nobody has an impact on these little souls, like a momma.  I am with them just about every hour of their day.  I cook all their meals, clean for them, comfort them, play with them, clean them, and teach them things.  One day, my role won't be as significant.  I will be replaced by a spouse and they will be able to care for themselves on their own.  I kinda love things right now, today, like they are.  For the love of God, someone tell my husband not to make me send them to school!  Haha!  BOO for education!  I'm kidding, teachers.  I know it's super important and they will probably love it.  As stressful as today may be, keep on keeping on.  You are doing a great job.  Even if you're tired and don't think bedtime can get here fast enough.   Give those babies extra kisses and don't wish the day away...even if they're being hellions like mine are at times.  Enjoy today, momma!  I'm rooting for you!

    I cannot believe how much I've rambled this week!  Thank you for always reading and sharing my rambled mess of thoughts.  Love you all!  Love and Babydust!