Back to School Blues

      All it took was closet clean out last week, to open up the floodgate of tears. I was hanging up a bigger size of clothing, and putting up the ones they'd outgrown, and I couldn't help but have tears streaming from my cheeks.  Tears that come when August rolls around every. single. year.  You know those tears, momma?  You know that lump in your throat?  And that feeling of dread?... Like the dread you used to have before that spanish test sophomore year?  Except this time, it's different.  It's because summer time with your kids is almost over...
        That freedom that comes from summer nights. Ahhh, sweet summer nights.  Roasting marshmallows, riding bikes, catching lightning bugs, and late nights at the drive in eating pizza and popcorn on a blanket.  I'll miss lazy mornings with 5 little monkeys "sharing" my coffee... Hold up...I lied!  There aint a thing lazy about 5 kids...but ya get my drift, right?  I love hearing the pitter patter of 10 little feet chasing each other, the shrills of laughter coming from a game of hide and seek.   But...with that also comes breaking up fights, muttering ugly words under my breath 26 times,  asking Jesus to help me do better...and sneaking out back for an occasional cig.  Yelling for them to "shut the door"  every 10 seconds as they run in and out.   HOWEVER...Most days I feel like my sole purpose in life is to feed them every 15 minutes.  My kids are always hungry! Especially Dax.  He legit begged me for tacos at 11:36 last night.  I'll miss my biggest babies.  I'll miss their daddy.  The chaos...our craziness.  The uncontrollable laughter in my house during the day.  I'm so grateful we have summers to be all together and make memories, it's an amazing plus to being a teacher!  I'll miss our dance parties in the living room and our spontaneous trips for snowballs, and so many other of our fun shenanigans. 
       I see all these posts about parents that can't wait to send their kids back to school.  Meanwhile, I sit and wonder if I'm the only one googling home school programs and trying to bargain with Mr. Harper about me keeping them with me.  He's come to expect that as the norm every year we go back, because he knows how much I miss them.  We won't talk about the truancy officer visiting us last year..."Uhhh...ummm. My kids get strep a lot.  ok.  And... they need me.  You don't know my life, sir!" Hahahahaha! 
  
     I know each August, school is inevitable.  Don't get me wrong, I am so incredibly blessed that they are healthy, thriving, and able to grow each year.  And blessed with an amazing school and staff!  But time slips through our grasp so quickly once you become a parent 😭.  With each summer, they gain more independence, and they grow a couple inches.  How is it possible they are already entering third grade? 

I'm so grateful that they have an amazing teacher!  Just as they have had the past 3 years. 

      I know with back to school comes routine, crisp air, homework, and spelling tests.   It also comes with new hopes and conversations.  
      Hopes that sometimes die early on when you're a mom like me.  😂 
Hopes of getting organized or momma getting in shape.  Hopes of keeping the house tidier or preparing lunches in those cute little boxes.  You know the ones from pinterest?  With the muffin liners, and pretzels, and hummus, and cute little star shaped sandwiches.  And hoping my kids don't have such high expectations  when they actually see an uncrushable and bag of "healthy" cheddar popcorn. Hopes that my ADD will subside and I can somewhat be productive during the day; rather than pacing with a cold cup of coffee... and feeling like a deranged hamster on a wheel, with legos and laundry all around her.  I've got hopes of teaching Dax all his ABC's.  Teaching him to have a filter (if that's possible) and not to say cuss words.  And hopes to truly enjoy every moment with my 3 littles at home during the day.  Every puzzle and every block tower they build for me... then throw at me from across the room. 😏😜 I hope to be present and intentional.  I know their first day will be here before we know it... but thank ya Jesus it aint this week.  There aint enough prozac in this town to prepare me for that.  Did I mention this is Dax's last year home with me?  Oh for the love of pancakes,  please someone throw me my inhaler! 
      Each year at this time we also begin to start having conversations about school...
Conversations about being the nice kid.  Being respectful to their teachers and peers.  To be themselves.  To be kind, or complimenting the kid who looks sad.  Sitting with the lonely kid at lunch.  THEN... there are conversations about not taking anyone's crap if they pick on them. 🙅 Don't ever start a fight, but finish it if ya got to.  Also, write their name down so momma bear can keep tabs on those a-holes.😆 It's a fine line, mommas.  Y'all know the struggle.  We want them to be sweet, gentle, and sensitive.  But also don't want them getting picked on.
I'm gonna be hopeful and confident that even though, some days I feel like I fail miserably as a parent, I know that the kindness we instill in them can go a long way, even in third grade.  I know their little ears are listening, even when it feels like they aren't. Atleast I hope so?!?  I know that they will mess up, a lot, probably...and I'll be there to dust them off and tell them they know better. ( They are my kids, so they'll probably get in trouble for something like laughing in class.)  Sadly, at some point I know they will come home with their feelings hurt, and it's their momma's job to be waiting at the door with a hug and some chocolate chip cookies or a stale bag of doritos, depends on the day.   I also know they'll have triumphs and exciting days .  And I'll be the one waiting then too, to high five them and hear all about it.  That's a momma's job...to just be there.  And be everything they need us to be.

      SO.....on this last day of summer break, I have great big plans.  Plans of doing nothing with my 5 little people.  Plans of snuggling, watching movies, and eating junk food. Riding bikes, swinging, and jumping on the trampoline.  A day that doesn't include emails, or texting, or laundry (except those darn white t-shirts the hubs keeps losing, pshhh.)😒 .  I'm gonna snuggle them and play with them while they still want me to.  So don't come a knocking at my door today, unless you bringin me iced coffee or free tacos, because things will probably be messy around here. And, you may or may not judge my abilities as a housewife. I know today will pass too fast, just like the summer has.  And tonight, we will be packing backpacks and doing baths, and settling in for an early bedtime (except mommy, who is blogging and editing at 3 am ). And tomorrow... off they will go, and yes...I'm walking them in.  Because it's the last year the school will allow it 😭

      After they go, I will anxiously await and look forward to the door slingin open at 3:30, hearing all about their day.  I'll start counting down til fall break, weekends, and middle school...when daddy finally agrees to let me homeschool them.  And pray for a snow day in September...

Hang in there, mommas.  We're all in this together... Now y'all go enjoy that last bit of summer too, while I go cry in my closet.    

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