Enjoy today, Momma

      It happens all too often, a woman hits her third trimester and is ready for her pregnancy to be done.  I get it, I really do.  You're uncomfortable, you're swollen, you're ready to hold that sweet baby and start dressing it in the closet full of sweet, new baby clothes.  But coming from a momma, that has had two preemie babies, you want that baby to stay put.  The best place for a baby to be those last few weeks is in your belly.  It is not fun to watch your child struggle to breathe and hooked up to feeding tubes and IV's.  It is not easy to have to leave the hospital without them and only see them during visiting hours.  It is especially difficult to not be able to simply hold them and snuggle them anytime you want.  I'll never forget the day I heard my daughter cry for the first time besides at birth.  Cody and I walked into the NICU for feeding and skin to skin time.  We heard the loudest cries as soon as we opened the door to walk down the hallway to their room.  I remember asking him, "I wonder what is wrong with that poor child?"  As we entered the room, I saw 3 nurses surrounding Paislee's little crib.  The screams were coming from her.  Her veins had blew, and they were having to put an IV in her tiny little head.  I lost it.  I got sick and had to go to the waiting room and cry my eyes out until they were finished.  That is the most helpless I have ever felt in my life.  There was nothing I could do to comfort her in that moment.  The next week, when we thought we were getting closer to coming home, Hudson's oxygen levels took a turn for the worst.  Watching him turn blue and hearing that monitor alarm, was one of the scariest moments I've ever experienced.  My point is, enjoy those last weeks with your baby in your womb.  Don't take those little kicks for granted.  You will miss those, I promise.  This will be the last few moments that you won't have to share your sweet blessing with the rest of the world.  Enjoy it.  Don't rush it.
      Sometimes one of the hardest things to do in life is to be still and content.  To live in the moment, without rushing from point A to point B.   I have always struggled with this until becoming a mom.  I have learned that life passes too quickly after having children of your own.  And if you can't slow it down, you better live in the moment and enjoy it before it's gone.  Enjoy the phase you are in...right now.  This quote sums it up perfectly...

"You will never have this day with your children again.  Tomorrow, they'll be a little older than they were today.  This day is a gift.  Breathe & notice.  Smell & touch them; study their faces & little feet & pay attention.  RELISH the CHARMS of the PRESENT.

 Enjoy today, Mama.  It will be over before you know it."

~Jen Hatmaker

      ^^^^ Reading it makes me wanna do the ugly cry.  Since I am typing this at my doctor's appointment, I will refrain, so I don't look like a psycho.

      Right now, I am in my 26th week of my pregnancy with Cubb and Cozi...

   I am swollen, I feel huge, and already measuring 36 weeks.  I'm a bit uncomfortable, but I still have plenty of energy to chase my 3 kiddos and keep up with housework, well...kinda.  ;)  I am craving ice and toothpaste, along with a few other weird things I will not name.  I know, I'm a weirdo, but I swear I could brush my tongue all day long.  I hear that fluoride is toxic, so I don't indulge that craving, haha!  And don't get me started on the smell of laundry detergent and cleaning supplies....ahhhhmazing!  I am probably indulging a little too much in foods that aren't so great for me, like hot dogs and chocolate chip cookies.  I saw a shirt I wanted to order to squeeze my big belly into last week that said, "Feed Me and tell me I'm pretty."  Haha!  I LOVE being home with my babies.  I am so blessed to have a job where I can only work a few hours a week and do my editing and emails at night when they are sleeping.  I LOVE my job,  but if money grew on trees, you better believe I would do nothing but focus all my energy on mommy hood.  But let's be honest, a family of 7 just can't make it on a teacher's salary alone.  I really plan to budget more and let go of my love of boutique baby clothes, so that daddy can be home with us more on the weekends.

     I'm also in the phase of chasing my daredevil 19 month old, Dax around the park, praying he doesn't break a limb.  That child has zero fear and would walk right off a bridge with no hesitation, which is super scary for this momma.  He just laughs at my anxious screams when he tries to run off the porch or the edge of the couch...or kitchen table.  Yes, my friends, he's a climber too.  Lucky me!  BUT, he keeps things interesting and entertaining!  I know that soon, we will be conquering potty training and he won't be the "baby" of the house anymore.  One day, he won't cry for mommy and chase me around the house until I hold him.  Though it is hard to get simple things like dinner accomplished with a baby on my hip, I will enjoy this phase.  Because in a few years, I may have to chase him down for a cuddle.  But I will be glad when we get him used to the idea of being a big brother.  He currently loves to slap at my belly and pinch me when I tell them there are babies in there...then he laughs hysterically.  And don't get me started on those tantrums and temper he has, lol.  We thought he might be the only laid back child we have...WRONG!  That child is wide open from dawn til dark.  And boy is he high maintenance.  This phase isn't always easy, especially being 6 months pregnant with twins,  but I honestly love this adventure.

       Now, I'll be honest...I'm not so crazy about the next phase that is coming...KINDERGARTEN.  I hate that word.  Over the weekend we attended a birthday party and I was in conversation with someone about Hudson and Paislee starting in the fall.  They told me how nice that was going to be for me.  To be able to send them somewhere during the day, so that I could take care of the new twins and Dax.  That thought KILLS me and breaks my heart into a bazillions teeny tiny pieces.  I do not want to send them, y'all.  And the thought of homeschool is looking better and better the closer to August that we get.  I told Cody last night that he was going to have his masters degree in elementary ed soon, so he should just school our kids when he gets home from his teaching job each day.  The look on his face was priceless.  I'm pretty sure he'd rather put his package in a meat grinder  do anything, than have to homeschool our kids each day.  Daddy is pretty awesome.  But, I don't think Daddy quite has the patience for that ;).  I love this age they are at.  I love their sweet imaginations and their 20 questions every 5 minutes.  They are full of life and wonder.  Being able to experience life through the eyes of your child is the most precious thing.  Sure, now they are independent and have attitudes.  But the good far outweighs the bad.

H & P at Kindergarten registration...tear :(

      I love that since my big babies are 5, they can now write me simple notes like I heart Mommy.  Hudson tells me daily now that I am the best mommy and "cooker" in the world.  My pancakes are better than Cracker Barrel...can you believe that?  Haha!  Maybe cause I load mine down with sugar and chocolate chips.  On my birthday a few weeks ago,  Paislee had a surprise for me.  She presented me with a sweet little wadded piece of construction paper with tape all around it.  When I opened it, there was a little pink bracelet inside that she wanted to give me.  It was hers, but she wanted mommy to have it.  I bawled like a baby.  I am a very sentimental person, and that was hands down...the sweetest gift I have ever been given.  It makes my heart happy to be raising babies that have kind hearts and are generous.  Last weekend, on the Saturday before Mother's Day, the kiddos and I had to run to the store to get a few things.  I'll be honest, I didn't feel like going anywhere.  It was hot, I had photo sessions that morning, and a birthday party that afternoon outdoors.  Did I mention it was 90 degrees?  Dax was super fussy and my feet were swollen.  But the babies wanted to do a craft for their Ninny and Grams for Mother's Day.  So to town we went.  Earlier in the week, Daddy took me to pick out flowers and ferns for my gift.  But the babies thought I needed a surprise.  They each had a dollar that their grandpa had given them hours before.  So they had a mission to buy mommy a surprise with their own money.  We all got out and went inside.  Dax threw a fit because he wanted to run wild!  Imagine that!   How mean was I for making him sit in a buggy?!?  Mean mommy!  We got to the dollar section and the kiddos knew it because they recognized a 1 on every tag.  They got so excited!  " This is 1, mom!  Turn your head!  Don't look at what I'm gonna get you!  It's a Mother's Day surprise!"  When they each chose their gift and we got our craft supplies,  I took them to the register to pay.  I explained to the lady that they each wanted to pay with their own money and asked if she could give them their own bag.  She was a rather grumpy little lady and argued that she was putting their gifts in the same bag.  Don't worry girls, I wasn't gonna leave that store until Hudson and Paislee had their own bags for their own gifts.  They were too excited about this.  Paislee handed her $1 and 6 pennies to the lady.  "Here you go, Ma'am.  Thank you."  Hudson was next. "Here's my money, this is for my mommy."  Instead of telling them how sweet they were for doing that, she proceeded to ask me if these 3 were all mine, without a trace of a pleasant look to her face.  "All 3 of them...and 2 on the way."  "Well...you sure do have your hands full."  If I had a dollar for every time I hear that.  I don't think she meant it hateful.  I was just hoping for a little kindness.  I was tired and maxed out for the day.  As I was walking out the door, fighting back tears, a sweet woman behind me told me Happy Mother's Day, and told me I was blessed, all with a smile.  That was so nice to hear in that moment.   And I did, indeed have an amazing Mother's Day!  We went to my favorite place, Paradise Point and we played outside the rest of the gorgeous afternoon.  Playing sidewalk chalk and baseball...can't forget swinging on the swing set!  AND Daddy went and got Pizza for dinner.  That was a great end to a wonderful day with my sweet babies!  Man, that was a LONG rambling paragraph.  Sorry, girls...you know how I can be sometimes when I'm telling a story.

       Right now, I am the most important person in my kiddo's lives.  Sorry, Cody!  Love you, but it's true.    Not to diss Daddy.  Dads are super important too.  But nobody has an impact on these little souls, like a momma.  I am with them just about every hour of their day.  I cook all their meals, clean for them, comfort them, play with them, clean them, and teach them things.  One day, my role won't be as significant.  I will be replaced by a spouse and they will be able to care for themselves on their own.  I kinda love things right now, today, like they are.  For the love of God, someone tell my husband not to make me send them to school!  Haha!  BOO for education!  I'm kidding, teachers.  I know it's super important and they will probably love it.  As stressful as today may be, keep on keeping on.  You are doing a great job.  Even if you're tired and don't think bedtime can get here fast enough.   Give those babies extra kisses and don't wish the day away...even if they're being hellions like mine are at times.  Enjoy today, momma!  I'm rooting for you!

    I cannot believe how much I've rambled this week!  Thank you for always reading and sharing my rambled mess of thoughts.  Love you all!  Love and Babydust!