Back to School Blues

      All it took was closet clean out last week, to open up the floodgate of tears. I was hanging up a bigger size of clothing, and putting up the ones they'd outgrown, and I couldn't help but have tears streaming from my cheeks.  Tears that come when August rolls around every. single. year.  You know those tears, momma?  You know that lump in your throat?  And that feeling of dread?... Like the dread you used to have before that spanish test sophomore year?  Except this time, it's different.  It's because summer time with your kids is almost over...
        That freedom that comes from summer nights. Ahhh, sweet summer nights.  Roasting marshmallows, riding bikes, catching lightning bugs, and late nights at the drive in eating pizza and popcorn on a blanket.  I'll miss lazy mornings with 5 little monkeys "sharing" my coffee... Hold up...I lied!  There aint a thing lazy about 5 kids...but ya get my drift, right?  I love hearing the pitter patter of 10 little feet chasing each other, the shrills of laughter coming from a game of hide and seek.   But...with that also comes breaking up fights, muttering ugly words under my breath 26 times,  asking Jesus to help me do better...and sneaking out back for an occasional cig.  Yelling for them to "shut the door"  every 10 seconds as they run in and out.   HOWEVER...Most days I feel like my sole purpose in life is to feed them every 15 minutes.  My kids are always hungry! Especially Dax.  He legit begged me for tacos at 11:36 last night.  I'll miss my biggest babies.  I'll miss their daddy.  The chaos...our craziness.  The uncontrollable laughter in my house during the day.  I'm so grateful we have summers to be all together and make memories, it's an amazing plus to being a teacher!  I'll miss our dance parties in the living room and our spontaneous trips for snowballs, and so many other of our fun shenanigans. 
       I see all these posts about parents that can't wait to send their kids back to school.  Meanwhile, I sit and wonder if I'm the only one googling home school programs and trying to bargain with Mr. Harper about me keeping them with me.  He's come to expect that as the norm every year we go back, because he knows how much I miss them.  We won't talk about the truancy officer visiting us last year..."Uhhh...ummm. My kids get strep a lot.  ok.  And... they need me.  You don't know my life, sir!" Hahahahaha! 
  
     I know each August, school is inevitable.  Don't get me wrong, I am so incredibly blessed that they are healthy, thriving, and able to grow each year.  And blessed with an amazing school and staff!  But time slips through our grasp so quickly once you become a parent 😭.  With each summer, they gain more independence, and they grow a couple inches.  How is it possible they are already entering third grade? 

I'm so grateful that they have an amazing teacher!  Just as they have had the past 3 years. 

      I know with back to school comes routine, crisp air, homework, and spelling tests.   It also comes with new hopes and conversations.  
      Hopes that sometimes die early on when you're a mom like me.  😂 
Hopes of getting organized or momma getting in shape.  Hopes of keeping the house tidier or preparing lunches in those cute little boxes.  You know the ones from pinterest?  With the muffin liners, and pretzels, and hummus, and cute little star shaped sandwiches.  And hoping my kids don't have such high expectations  when they actually see an uncrushable and bag of "healthy" cheddar popcorn. Hopes that my ADD will subside and I can somewhat be productive during the day; rather than pacing with a cold cup of coffee... and feeling like a deranged hamster on a wheel, with legos and laundry all around her.  I've got hopes of teaching Dax all his ABC's.  Teaching him to have a filter (if that's possible) and not to say cuss words.  And hopes to truly enjoy every moment with my 3 littles at home during the day.  Every puzzle and every block tower they build for me... then throw at me from across the room. 😏😜 I hope to be present and intentional.  I know their first day will be here before we know it... but thank ya Jesus it aint this week.  There aint enough prozac in this town to prepare me for that.  Did I mention this is Dax's last year home with me?  Oh for the love of pancakes,  please someone throw me my inhaler! 
      Each year at this time we also begin to start having conversations about school...
Conversations about being the nice kid.  Being respectful to their teachers and peers.  To be themselves.  To be kind, or complimenting the kid who looks sad.  Sitting with the lonely kid at lunch.  THEN... there are conversations about not taking anyone's crap if they pick on them. 🙅 Don't ever start a fight, but finish it if ya got to.  Also, write their name down so momma bear can keep tabs on those a-holes.😆 It's a fine line, mommas.  Y'all know the struggle.  We want them to be sweet, gentle, and sensitive.  But also don't want them getting picked on.
I'm gonna be hopeful and confident that even though, some days I feel like I fail miserably as a parent, I know that the kindness we instill in them can go a long way, even in third grade.  I know their little ears are listening, even when it feels like they aren't. Atleast I hope so?!?  I know that they will mess up, a lot, probably...and I'll be there to dust them off and tell them they know better. ( They are my kids, so they'll probably get in trouble for something like laughing in class.)  Sadly, at some point I know they will come home with their feelings hurt, and it's their momma's job to be waiting at the door with a hug and some chocolate chip cookies or a stale bag of doritos, depends on the day.   I also know they'll have triumphs and exciting days .  And I'll be the one waiting then too, to high five them and hear all about it.  That's a momma's job...to just be there.  And be everything they need us to be.

      SO.....on this last day of summer break, I have great big plans.  Plans of doing nothing with my 5 little people.  Plans of snuggling, watching movies, and eating junk food. Riding bikes, swinging, and jumping on the trampoline.  A day that doesn't include emails, or texting, or laundry (except those darn white t-shirts the hubs keeps losing, pshhh.)😒 .  I'm gonna snuggle them and play with them while they still want me to.  So don't come a knocking at my door today, unless you bringin me iced coffee or free tacos, because things will probably be messy around here. And, you may or may not judge my abilities as a housewife. I know today will pass too fast, just like the summer has.  And tonight, we will be packing backpacks and doing baths, and settling in for an early bedtime (except mommy, who is blogging and editing at 3 am ). And tomorrow... off they will go, and yes...I'm walking them in.  Because it's the last year the school will allow it 😭

      After they go, I will anxiously await and look forward to the door slingin open at 3:30, hearing all about their day.  I'll start counting down til fall break, weekends, and middle school...when daddy finally agrees to let me homeschool them.  And pray for a snow day in September...

Hang in there, mommas.  We're all in this together... Now y'all go enjoy that last bit of summer too, while I go cry in my closet.    

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Confessions of a Baseball Mom...

      I've saw a shirt several times over the past few months that reads, " My Kid has Practice."  Man, I need it.  Cause we always got something going on.  Sometimes I check the weather forecast like a farmer in the middle of a drought.  Just secretly hoping for rain after you've not spent a night at home in 3 flipping weeks. Just Kidding...kinda 🤷‍♀️🙊. Baseball/Softball is our fave!!! But, here are a few confessions that every mom of a player can relate to...

1.  You have to keep up with ALL kinds sorts of uniforms and other shit...
      Yall...last week I lost a tuna fish sandwich and a new pair of baseball cleats in the same hour.  If you let me borrow a phone charger, it may disappear before my phone reaches 10 %.  It's just how I roll.  It's in my DNA, y'all.  I should get " I lose shit" tattooed on my wrist.  So maybe it'd remind me to store those important tax documents away somewhere for a rainy day.  So imagine the struggle when 3 of my kiddos are in 3 different leagues.  We got gymnastics leotards, softball gear, ball stuff, grey pants with blue pin stripes, and WHITE ball pants. Guess who has the white pants?  Yep...Dax.  His love language is food aka cheetos.  Them white pants don't stand a chance, yall.  I'm not a fit mom, I get winded from just walking up he stairs.  But trust me, you get a workout sprinting from laundry basket to laundry basket trying to find those darn red socks.   This momma is notorious for hanging damp jerseys out the window with both hands and a prayer they'll be dry when we arrive at Ol' Fred Hale.  Travel Team moms should win an award, swear.  We did all stars last summer, and it was exhausting. AND, I know that doesn't hold a light to how travel teams spend every weekend.  As a ball mom, you have to be prepared to run home last minute for a baseball glove they left by accident, or a jersey dad didn't grab out of the dryer. 

2. You gotta juggle cheering and keeping the other ones alive...
      If you've ever sat next to me at the ball park, you probably wish you hadn't.  I'm in tie for probably the loudest mom in the stands.  I don't know what it is.  I feel like if I cheer louder, he somehow runs faster and hustles more, lol. During basketball season, my kid cried after he hit his second shot...because I jumped up out of chair and screamed like there was an active shooter.  No matter how hard I try to keep my mouth shut, boy it is so hard for me. It may be little league, but it feels like the world series when I see my kid on the field.  Proud momma is an understatement.  It's always a struggle when you have 2 or 3 on totally different fields.   All while cheering on my babies, I got 3 other ones throwing rocks at strangers, scaling the dirt cliff, or running as fast as the can towards the parking lot.  Trust me, sometimes people stare.  But they also stare when you show up with them on leashes.  Just smile.  Keeping them little souls alive sometimes is a job in itself, y'all.  Ok, this is a no judging zone...remember.  So...During P's first softball practice last week, I had one typical ADHD child running circles around the stands, the 2 younger boys jumping off bleachers, and climbing trees....YES...climbing trees.  Cubbie found the biggest limb he could find and hit our sweet friend, Brian with it.  Good thing he's a chaplain, y'all.  Or he might be cussing my 2 year old.  I told my mom last week that Cub and Dax are the reasons I can't stop cussing for good.  They'll beat you with a stick, then tell you you're pretty and give you a hug.  Thank God Jo was there to help me tame them and laugh with me.  MOMMAS of toddlers...it's so important to laugh instead of cry.  Because, it kinda is funny.  And this too, shall pass.  It may pass like a kidney stone...but it will.  

3. Health and Beauty goes out the Window.
      Last week we went to Aldi.  Momma was on a mission to cook salmon, chicken, and veggies. To promote better health and hopefully help lower Daddy's blood pressure.  I opened my fridge this morning and the broccoli and asparagus were still staring at me.  You know what we promoting this week, y'all?  Mcnuggets.  I have this secret talent of tossing nuggets in the backseat like a ninja.  It is soooo hard to cook sometimes, when you gotta be at a practice at 4 and another on 2 hours later.  And don't get home til 8 or later some nights.  Momma is gonna have to get creative about sandwiches and meals on the go, so we aren't going broke every week on Sonic and McDonalds.  I've learned that some weeks or every week there is absolutely nothing wrong than a quick meal in the car and an occasional cigarette.  And since momma doesn't really throw back the wine on stressful nights, I will chug a large diet coke or sweet tea.  It's completely necessary.  You won't see this momma in anything with yoga pants and t-shirts.  Quick tip, consider all the dust at the ball park free and tinted dry shampoo, haha!  And I promise I bathe my kids, but after being at the ball park for 10 minutes, they dirty from head to toe. You feel me, mommas?  Don't judge me or their cute dirty little faces...because if you're there, your kids will be dirty too, lol. 

4. It's hard to keep quiet...
       I feel like I have to make sure the coach isn't too hard on number 9, my oldest.  Sometimes I feel like he is harder on him than the rest of the team.  And you can take a wild guess about how momma bear feels about that.  If I see tears, I may be guilty or taking action.  Oftentimes, I have to give him the look or quietly say a few choice words at the dugout.  Or threaten to cut him off.  Did I mention the coach is also my husband?  He usually takes the hint and smooths things over with his first baseman aka his firstborn.  I'm kidding.  He's pretty awesome!  His favorite thing is throwing the ball in the yard with them and helping them do well.  It's tough coaching your kid, especially with me as a wife, sometimes, lol. My friend offered to bring a giant box of blow pops this season.  Because it's a struggle to keep calm and quiet during a heated game.  Last year I lost it so bad during tournament time, that I had to pray about it when I left.  One thing is fir sure my kids know I'm their biggest fan, and will always cheer during the good games and bad ones too. We gotta leave it on the field in a small town.  Especially when you're literally friends with every team you play.  Dear sweet Jesus, please help me to keep peace and not be easily angered this season. And please help coaches not be dumb, everyone to play fair, and don't let anyone make a bad call on my baby.  Amen. 

5. Remember that these are THE BEST YEARS OF OUR LIVES...
      A couple weeks ago we were vacationing with our friends and things were pretty chaotic between all 8 of the kids.  I noticed an older man smoking a cigarette with a smile and watching us.  You know this paranoid mom's first thought is worrying if he's a child abductor a weirdo.  He approached us and what he said will stick with me. "Enjoy these years.  I hope you know you are living the best years of your life.  What I'd give to be busy with my kids again.  Last year I lost my middle daughter to cancer.  She was 34."  I got chills and tears in my eyes.  He was so right.  These years are CRAZY, BUSY, EXHAUSTING.  But I would not trade them for anything in the world.  We love every minute of the craziness.  I want to slow down and really enjoy it more this year.  Because the thing about kids is, they grow taller every year.  Next year that uniform they're sporting now, will be too short.  We need to enjoy the phase and season...Of spending endless hot summer days and chilly nights with some of our favorite people.  Of watching our babies grow and learn sportsmanship and friendship.  And learn to win AND lose.  Because, in my opinion.  Learning to do both gracefully is SO important.  No one likes a sore loser...and not everyone gets a trophy.  You win some and lose some.  It's your character that matters during each of those.  Baseball/Softball Mommas-  You are doing an amazing job.  If you ever feel unorganized, or unprepared, or tired.  You aren't alone!  I'll be waiting to hug your neck the next time I see you. Just remember that you are their biggest fan and they will NEVER forget all the cheering, sweat, and tears you sacrificed for them!  It's all worth it!

6. Baseball/Softball Family is Everything...
      Some of our greatest friendships all started with baseball team mates/parents.  I've got one thing to say about baseball...it takes a village!!! Need tips on making new friends?  Here's one... "Hey girl, can you watch these 2 while I take my son to pee down by the car?"  Boom.  You're friends.  The end.  Invite them for a snow cone at Pelicans...which we frequent often.  It's important to form alliances with these people.  They are your people.  They too, are chaos coordinators...just like you!  They too, showed up with dirt stains on those stubborn white ball pants.  Those friends will have your back when things might get ugly with an umpire or unpleasant coach.  They too, will cheer along with you when your baby hits their first home run of the season.  They won't judge you when they see that your four year old has ditched their shoes and is running through the dirt like Tarzan...or when you forget it's your turn for snacks again.  And they will laugh with you when you tell you child to stop peeing on every tree they see.  They'll buy your kid a blow pop when you're fresh outta change.  They are the ones that will video your baby batting while you're en route to the next field over to catch the last half of the other kid's game.   They grab your kid and bring him to you when she may have gotten out of your reach.  They will dig through a dirty trash can and stay long after to help you find your keys.   They cheer your child on when they catch that pop fly...even if they are on the opposite bleachers.  They will hug your kids after games, they will spoil them.  They take the socks off their own child after a game, because your child forgot theirs.  They'll encourage your child along with you when it's an off night and they aren't hitting their best.   They are your people and your friends for life. 

      To our baseball family...whether we are on the same teams or not.  You know who you all are!  You each hold special places in my heart and I love each of you.  Thank you for your friendships!  I can't wait to see you all in he stands this year and greet you with hugs, or help watch your younger ones, on your next trip to the portapotty ;) !