Lose Yourself...

       Hello again sweet friends!  I swear, I could blog every day about my life and the hilarity of my 5 kids.  I wish I had time!  But here is a post post y'all can all relate to...

       Sometimes, as mommas, it's easy to lose yourself.  Lose yourself under the never ending laundry, that can never be caught up.  Lose yourself under that pile of bills that comes every month, and the worry that comes from that child that is struggling in school.  We lose ourselves in...
      Sleep Deprivation.  I swear on Santa's reindeer, I feel like I aint slept in 8 years.  Y'all feel me?  It seems like I take a series of light naps everytime I lay my head down.  It just happens when you become a mom, you cannot sleep soundly.  And someone at my house is always waking up.  Someone falls off the bed, has a night terror, or needs a drink of water.  If you're Cozi, you beg to put on a pretty pair of shoes at 3 am.  Or if you're Pais, you may be seeing a ghost at the end of your bed. The first 6 months of Cub and Cozi's life were a huge blur for me.  I was just soooo tired.  But the thing is, we cannot let our exhaustion cause us to rush through these stages.  These babies grow up wayyyy too fast.  We have to seize the moment, with our dark circles and a cup of coffee in our hands.  It's important to really "be there" in the moment with them.  Even if they're telling you the same story over and over, or asking you 22 thousand questions.  If we don't enjoy the moment in the phase we are in, we will have a lifetime of regret, for letting it slip through our fingers without truly being there and enjoying every moment.  One day, they won't need us as much, and we will wish that they did.  
      Sometimes, we even forget our own passions and interests.  The other day, I made my girls a headband for halloween.  And though it wasn't an easy task to do with 3 little mischief makers running around, it made me remember that I love crafting.  I just never have time to do it.  What were your hobbies?  Do you remember?  We tried to craft last night making ornaments out of sticks and ribbon.  I always picture us watching elf, while having cookies in the oven, music playing, and giggling while creating something fun.  HA!  JOKE IS ON ME!   Last night, our craft ended in tears from Pais about how bad she sucks at patterns.  Hudson kicking a wall because he can't tie well, and momma yelling while burnin her dadgum salmon.  Meanwhile, Dax takes off his clothes and plays in wax from a candle, and Cubbie goes through and destroys errrrebody's craft.  
      Sometimes, we lose ourselves in the to do list. I'll be honest, most days I feel like a dadgum failure.  Why can I seriously not keep my shit together?  I mean, really.  I told my friend last week that I should get, "wingin it,"  tattooed on my wrist...along with my other tattoo ideas.  👊  That's just my motto, whether I like it or not...that's me.  That has to be how God wired me, because even when I try, I feel like I fail, over and over again.  I wish I could afford to pay someone to organize my life.  Maybe when I'm 30, or when I write my book ;)  Anywho,  Last week was a tough week, I honestly can't even remember many details, other than crying calling mom... and sending some texts venting to my hubby.  I think I may or may not have gotten chewed out in spanish, had the truancy attendance officer visit my house, and had part of my carpets ruined. I'm not sure 😉😂  My mom caught wind, and when I went by her house and she had me a little gift.  A coffee mug, soft blanket, and pj's.  I thanked her, but when I got the kids to bed that night, I bawled like a baby.  Yall, it's nice to be thought of, even when we put ourselves last on the daillllly.  Small gestures of kindness go a long way.  We forget sometimes, that we are humans, we are women, not robots.  It's hard, sometimes.  But it always gets done.  For me, it's always in the last hour, on a whim and on a prayer.  But nevertheless, the things get done.  And oftentimes, that "to do list" gets nothing crossed off, and gets splashed with chocolate milk, but ya know there's always tomorrow.   
            Sometimes my to do list is soooo long and rarely anything gets accomplished.  But one that I have, but sometimes fail at too, is to reach my babies hearts.  Thanks Momma Duggar.  Sweet Michelle, I love that woman.  I swear if I could meet anyone besides Jesus himself, it would be her, no lie.  I wish I could raise my kids like her, (except for the weirdo one that liked prostitutes.)  But anyways, I heard this on an episdode one time and it really stuck with me. In the middle of chaos, still let your kiddos know that they matter too, individually.  Maybe they're whining, or complaining about a friend that hurt their feelings, but we have to reach their hearts and let them know they matter, no matter how chaotic is gets.  Multitasking is hard, but we somehow master cooking, cleaning up spilled milk, all while breaking up a wrestling match, and studying for an AR test (and repeating for the 23rd time that asshole is not a nice word to say.).
      Sometimes, we lose ourselves in the self doubt.  We look in the mirror and see yesterday's makeup and dark circles.  You look to the right to see a framed, glowing picture of yourself 10 years ago and long to look that way again.  You become certain that your husband is lying when he tells you how sexy you are every day.  You magnetize your flaws and think on those things.  I'm a totally and completely unorganized, fly by the seat of my pants, air headed, scatterbrained, messy, momma.  I hate these traits, but they totally make me who I am.  And honestly, if I sweat the small stuff, I'd be in my grave by now.    Like, why do we even have scissors in the house?  

Yep, he did that.  But, really, I'm surprised it just now happened and he hasn't done it sooner...

 My babies and hubby are the fuel that keep me going, along with 5 cups of coffee, a lot of Jesus and an occasional cigarette.  I pray for God's grace and forgiveness daily, and hope that he has a sense of humor for my crazy life.  I got a good heart, but sometimes this mouth gets me.  Some days you just gotta do you, even if it's messy and you doubt everything about yourself.  Just own it, momma. 

     Dads have tough weeks too, Ladies.  Last week my husband called a microwave a bit%h.  We've only had her a couple days and the poor thing hadn't even been plugged in yet.  I'm sure she feels downright used.  Where's our feminist rally?  I was in the living room editing when I heard the conversation.  He couldn't get his screws in the wall without stripping, so he took it out on her.  Mental Abuse is never the answer. You see, it was one of those days.  After paying way too much money for a gigantic baby gate, we put that sucker up and giggled when Cubbie, a tiny little man of few words, said "Let me Out!"  And shook the gate in frustration.  Since we are adding onto our home, the boys have found hammers, screws, concrete mortar, and anything else you could possibly think of to try and destroy our home.  They've cut fresh drywall, scratched fresh pain with screws, and thrown mortar like it was their job.  If that shit causes blindness, their little retinas don't stand a chance. So, anyways, after successfully keeping them out of new room during construction yesterday, they decided to rip open a newly delivered UPS box and pull out all the foam protectant.  Have you guys ever tried to clean that stuff up?  Omg, it was disastrous, so much for washing my hair that day.  

      Sometimes we get lost in the messes?  Messes?  You don't have those?  Maybe this blog aint for your liking, then.  I'm kidding.  But really, if you're a momma and don't have messes, I wanna know your secret.  Cause if my kids enter the room, it's messy, and I've learned to accept that and y'all that are beating yourself up, need to accept it too.  

I had a blizzard going on in my house after that devilish styrofoam...and there was no freakin containing it.   Those plans were replaced with  sweeping and vacuuming little white pieces of snowy, foamy, product errrywhere.  After a few hours, momma had it taken care of.  But, when daddy arrived home, Cubbie thought he'd pull a shennanigan on him.  After daddy had stained more lumber, as he's been doing every afternoon, for weeks, Cub decided to lock himself in the car and have an all you can eat halloween candy feast.  Daddy looked like a bipolar looney dad that needed a trip for a check up at the 6th floor.   He'd go from saying, "Come here buddy, daddy wants a hug."  To straight up veins protruding out of his head and beating the glass window.  Cubbie just smiled and kept eating that sugar.  lol
      The big thing is, that no matter how many times we lose ourselves a day...we gotta keep finding ourselves to.  

 Remember who we are before we had tiny humans just like us.  Go on the date with your hubby, cuddle him on the couch and have a conversation that doesn't involve potty training or report cards.   A sweet friend ran into us at Sam's Club this weekend and reminded us how high the divorce rate was in couples with multiples or lots of children.  And how happy they were to see us thriving and happy.  That meant the world to me.  You gotta keep loving each other and finding each other even on the hard days.  It aint always easy, but it's always worth it!  Last week, my sister in law watched the kids while we had a hot date at Shogun Express and Sam's Club.  It was just what we needed.  It wasn't fancy, but we had some one on one time to laugh and talk.  Mommas, Buy yourself an expensive cup of coffee.  Go for a drive, take an art class...Reach out to your friends....keep in touch no matter how chaotic things are.  Don't always put yourself on the back burner.  I know it sounds superficial, but I ALWAYS feel better when I take the time to apply a full face of my pretty makeup.  It doesn't happen often, but I know it should.  Create a group text with you mom friends where you can make fun of yourselves and laugh at your lives.  I do this sometimes, and it keeps me laughing all day.  The other day one of my girlfriends car got broken into, we all laughed at what a sick joke it would be to break into ours.  My friend said they'd find "pissy panties and moldy cheeseburgers"  Laugh at the funny stuff, try again, and forgive yourself over and over.  Life is too short.  Eat the elfin cake. (If you feel the need to curse, and the F bomb isn't really acceptable with small children, elfin is a good substitute with the holidays.  Don't ya think?  Random tip/ thought I know. )  Sit down on the couch with your babies with a big ol comfy blanket, enjoy the moment and phase you are in...and watch a Christmas movie tonight!  You deserve it!  

Thanks for reading, following, and sharing!  I love all of you!