Don't Blink...

      Tell me how 5 years passes so quickly...

      Tomorrow...my very first babies will be 5.  I can't believe that sentence is even possible.  We have had a very busy few weeks and I haven't had much time to think about it.  But tonight it hit me.  It hit me as they were lying in my bed falling asleep.  They tossed around from excitement about their big day tomorrow.  They can't wait for a picnic at the park and roasting hot dogs and smores tomorrow evening when Daddy gets home.  And of course presents!  I tell them to settle down and the quicker they go to sleep the quicker the day will come.  But I hope it takes its time.  All I can think about are buttercups.  This afternoon I had buttercup sessions at sunset and all 3 of my babies accompanied me, as well as my momma.  I happened to throw a few white outfits in the back of the car in hope I could snap a few of them after my session.  While I was shooting, Hudson and Paislee ran freely through the beautiful field of buttercups.  I knew I'd be photoshopping them out of some shots, but that was ok.  They were dancing and chasing each other and having fun.  It looked like they were swimming in an ocean of yellow.  Pure Joy and freedom...

I'd give anything if I wouldn't have been scrolling through my camera, if I wouldn't have worried about the perfect angles of these shots.  I wish I would've had a seat in those buttercups and taken in the moment.  This was the last evening they'll ever be 4.  The vision of them running and laughing in a beautiful sea of yellow reminded me of Little House on the Prairie.  I never, ever want to forget these sweet moments.  No matter how busy we are.  They are on their own time, and I love that.  They love life so much and they love each other.  They are best friends, just like I always hoped.  Even though they fight daily, I know without a doubt, they will always fight for each other.  They are also nuts over this little man... their little brother, Dax.  Can't leave him out...

He doesn't like mommy taking his pics, he'd rather have me holding him! Haha!  I guess you could say he is a little spoiled! :)

Six years ago, I sat in this living room with Cody and our puppy and only dreamed of one day having a family.   I cried at the thought of it never happening for us.  My heart ached because I was waiting for them to come...and finally they did.  I waited my whole life for them.  As silly as it may sound, it is true.  God answered our many prayers...and he answered them big time.  I was reminded of that as I feel our newest twinkies flipping around at this moment. ;)  Thank you, Jesus.  Thank you for all of this.  Thank you for filling my empty and aching arms.  Thank you for choosing me to raise these 3 sweet souls.  Thank you for my babies.  Thank you for IVF.  Thank you for giving doctors the knowledge to help couples like us have the one thing that should never be taken for granted.  Children.  I am grateful and I am content.  

If any of you happened to watch the news this week, you know that a popular designer company made some controversial comments on the subject of IVF.  The comments were very hurtful to hear if you are on IVF momma.  Talk about ruffling the feathers of a momma hen?!?  Hey Dolce and Gabana...exactly what about this looks synthetic to you?

My child could cure cancer.  My child could be the next President or Mother Teresa.  My child will be a light in this dark world.  You don't like it because it isn't traditional?  It isn't natural?  Neither is being gay.  How about you worry about what traditional marriage should be and leave innocent children alone.  Yeah...I said it.

Anyways, my heart is full...but so are my eyes with tears.  I had to hide away in my dark room for a few minutes before my hubby found me curled up bawling.  He wasn't surprised, but he did giggle a little.  "Shut up, Cody.  5 is a big deal.  5 means school and I don't know if I can send them."  He said he will actually believe it when he sees it.  I guess he thinks I will homeschool at the last minute.  I know I have to let them go a little.  But, gosh it's hard.  They are my world.  They are the very reason for my being.  Every birthday reminds me how fast time is passing. 

To my Hudson, it kills me to see your pants getting shorter every month as you grow taller.  And you are looking every bit as handsome as your Daddy.  I love that you are sensitive and tender hearted.  My prayer is for you to not only be a good boy, but be a good man one day.  I love that you appreciate the little things.  Like the beauty of a sunset...or the sparkle in my eyeshadow.  I. Love. You.  Your first cry was the sweetest sound and I will never forget it.  The sound of your sweet voice still melts my heart.  You are my oldest by 5 minutes.  You made me a momma and you gave me a glimpse of just how much Jesus loves us, because of the love I have for you and your siblings.  I will always love you, support you, and fight for you.  No one will EVER love you more...I promise.

To my Paislee, my very first little princess.  You are my best friend already and you're only 5.  You are wise beyond your years.  You are beautiful on the inside and out and you are kind.  But you also are spunky and stubborn.  I wonder where you get those traits, my little firecracker? :)  You make me laugh until it hurts.  And you giggle, even when you aren't supposed to.  I do love that though.  I hope you always dance to your own tune, no matter who is watching.  I hope you always know how much you are adored and loved, but always stay humble.  Always have a big heart and love everyone like you do know.  Smell the flowers, enjoy the wind in your hair, and don't hurry (even if I'm the one to tell you to.)  I will always love you, support you, and fight for you.  Mommy loves you more than anyone ever will...promise. 

Happy Birthday to my sweet twinkies!  Now, I will start blowing up balloons and put on my big girl panties.  We will have the best day, I promise!  As long as I am living your birthday will ALWAYS be a BIG deal and you will always be celebrated.  Mommy loves you oh so much!!! 

You will never know the depth of my love for you, my sweet babies... 5 is gonna be the best!

From Mombie to Super Mom...

       Let me just say it feels soooo good to blog.   It is therapeutic for me and...I love it.  I cannot believe I have not posted since we found out the genders of the twinkies.  Most of you are friends on FB and may already know.  But we are having....a BOY and a GIRL!  AND, we are thrilled!  Ofcourse when everyone asks you what you want, you always respond..."Doesn't matter to me as long as they're healthy!"  Because you know...that's what you're supposed to say.  But in my mind I was always screaming..."BOY AND GIRL...BOY AND GIRL!"  We also have names picked out.  Some think they are exotic and crazy <<<<I could care less :)...but to us...they are perfect.  Their names will be Cubb and Cozi.  Cozi has bee a fave of ours for a few years now, and Cubb came about because Cody is a HUGE Cubs fan.  It sounds cute, it is different, and we love them.  So there ya have it folks...don't steal them or I will hunt you down ;).  KIDDING! (but really...)  
        I am now almost 17 weeks and feeling FABULOUS!  As I was lying in bed with Cody last week I was telling him how refreshing it was not to puke multiple times a day.  This gal has her energy back and it feels so good!  I have also been in nesting mode lately and PURGING everything in this house.  I mean it...I have threw shit away left and right.  Dozens of trash bags full...GONE...out of my house.  And it looks so much better.  I have to make room for TWO more babies in this house soon, so it has to be done.  Everyone asks where we are going to put them.  For now, they will share a room with baby Dax.  He might as well be their triplet, because I have a feeling he will ALWAYS be babied in this house.  Love our littlest man!   In the next couple years we have to make a big decision on whether to sell our house or build on.  But for now...Momma will just throw shit away until we make more room.  :)  So if you come to my house, don't leave your shoes by the front door for to long...or they may go missing into our trash!  Haha!  Everything around here is looking pretty nice.  The one thing I do not do is iron.  We don't believe in it around here.  We just toss our clothes and I will iron their collars with my flat iron.  Seriously.  I've recently discovered wrinkle release spray, and I don't know where it has been all my life.  My husband has a love/hate relationship with this whole nesting phase.  He compliments our clean house, but scolded me when he found a paper labeled "important tax document" in our trash can.  :/  My response?  Don't just leave it laying around.  I know, I know...I can get carried away sometimes.  But at least I'm on my way to organization, right?!?
      My biggest babies are turning 5 in two weeks.  I hate even typing that.  I am excited for them, but sad they are growing so fast.  Time...please slow down!  I'm gonna need a whole lot of Jesus to get me through these milestones coming up.  I already told Cody that on the first day of Kindergarten I will need a sedative and someone to pack me out of that school.  Did I mention I totally dread it?   I'm that overprotective momma bear, who doesn't want my babies growing up on me.  Good news for me, though...they have both told me they have no intentions of getting married and they plan to live with me til we all go to heaven together.  I will remind them of this when they are 16.  Gosh, I don't know how in the world I will survive that age.  I do know, however, that we WILL  install a go pro in their car so momma can make sure they don't text and drive or have any make out sessions in the back seat.  Seems pretty reasonable, right?  ;)  Speaking of which, Cody and I really like the whole idea that the Duggars have of courting and side hugs.  I think Jim Bob Duggar should run for president. :)  Paislee has a long list of items she wants.  I was quizzing Hudson...trying to get ideas.  I asked him who his favorite superhero ever was...if he could just pick one.  Surprisingly,  He answered quickly.  "You."  Huh? Me?  This isn't a trick question.  "Baby, Momma isn't a superhero.  I mean Spiderman, Captain America, Superman...you know...those guys."  He said, "I know, but you're my favorite superhero.  You always keep me safe and I know you would always save me."  I melted.  That has to be one of the sweetest, most innocent compliments I have ever received.  And he doesn't quite get the art of sucking up yet...so I know it was heartfelt.  Take note, Pais, if you want that American Girl doll anytime in the next decade! ;)
      Within the second trimester of pregnancy, your relationship with food ranks pretty close to your relationship with God and your family.  I have craved things that aren't so great for me.  I will take a hot dog slathered in mustard and sour kraut over any kind of steak.  Oh man...I really want a hot dog right now.  I also love pasta and carbs...cheddar peppers and turnip greens.  Who am I kidding? I love ANY kind of food pretty much, except taco bell.  I have hated it ever since I have been pregnant.  Who knew?  You know the saying, "If momma aint happy, aint nobody happy?"  I'm not too hard to please these days, though my hubby may beg to differ.  Feed me, rub my feet at night, and take out the trash and your clothes out of the floor.  Pretty simple, right?  Anyone that knows Cody and I, know how our relationship works.  We have a pretty awesome marriage.  However, when we argue, we argue and don't hold back.  Have you ever saw The Notebook?  Our arguments are much like Noah and Allie's.  Anyways...So...during a pretty heated argument a couple weeks ago, I was ready to make my man sleep in the basement while I looked up divorce attorneys.  <<<<Totally Kidding on the second part :).  I can be pretty hot headed at times, I suppose.  But, I was really mad at him.  But all it took was one text to change my mind.  " Hey babe, I'm gonna bring you some mexican home...what do you want me to order you?"  I am pretty sure he could've told me he had a mistress and I still couldn't have turned the mexican offer down.  When he got home with it later, I still was pouting and acting mad.  I told him to put the food on the table and leave me alone.  :)  But he knew all it would take was some salsa and cheese dip and I'd melt into his arms again.
      I am currently trying to keep my 4 year olds from squeezing 6 baby chicks to death, so I guess I will sign off.  Just wanted to leave an update.  I will be blogging about our IVF story with Dax very soon.  Once again, thank you for reading and sharing my random thoughts and life with you all.  But the way, I am still receiving weekly emails from women struggling with infertility and I LOVE hearing your stories and struggles.  We are all in this sisterhood together!  Much love to you all!