As I reflect over the past 365 I can almost feel ten thousand different emotions blow through my hair almost as fast as the year has flown. Humor from living with my hilarious kids. Pain, from carrying 2 children and birthing them. Mommy guilt, from constantly feeling like I'm not a good enough mom, wife, and Christian. Happiness that my husband and 5 little people bring me. Unspeakable Joy and contentment. Cub and Cozi are now 5 months and the sweetest little babies ever. Though, they don't sleep much, they are SO happy! They love cooing and smiling and cuddling with their mommy. I never knew I could love so much...
I've learned multitask! That's for sure! Comforting my little streaker while nursing the twins a couple months ago!
I've learned...pretty well, actually, to embrace the craziness that is my life. Back in the fall the delivery man showed up at my door with a horrified look on his face. His mouth was actually open as he asked in a very concerned voice if everything was ok. "Ummmmm...yeah, why." I answer as I glance around and try to understand his question. Cody's car was parked in the front yard in an attempt to clean it out. Hudson was standing on top of it, playing superman. Dax was running around with a baseball bat and Paislee was running from him. Did I mention Dax was naked? He streaks worse than a frat boy during homecoming week. It is a difficult task to keep clothes on that child. Then I understood what he meant... "OHHHHHH, them? Yeah, it's fine. They're just playing...school is out today." I realize that in his eyes, I'm a circus with 5 hilariously entertaining acts. Not long after another delivery man told me I always look tired. I get that a a lot lately. That's my new signature look. Dark circles, slightly greasy hair, the works. I may look like shit, but I can rock a toboggan and sunglasses like nobody's business. The nice photo lady at Sams told me I look like I don't feel well. No, I feel fine, just not had much time to apply much makeup. Yesterday's makeup is better that no makeup...am I right? I've often heard other moms "discuss" other mommas "letting themselves go." I'm really trying not to do that. I've retired my yoga pants with holes in the crotch. On Christmas I tried really hard to look cute. My aunt Becky was hugging me and wishing me a Merry Christmas and said "Hey, Honey, you got something on your shirt." Ohhhh, yeah, it's shit. Just baby shit. But it still didn't smell good. So much for that! My mom couldn't come within 10 feet of my with our reminding me that I smelled like shit. Shew....can't a girl get a dad gum compliment. I can't win for losing. Hehehe.
I've spent the latter part of the year with 2 babies attached to my boobies every couple hours. I've cleaned up countless spills (especially those made by my little Dax "the destroyer" ). Made dozens of trips to the pediatrician. I have Potty Trained, watched Toy Story over and over again til I want to kick Woody in the teeth. I've had to face the reality that my biggest babies aren't babies anymore. And I've had to send them to school 5 days a week so I don't go to jail .
My Resolutions...
1. Be Present...the best gift I can give to my family is to be in the moment. I must remember this every day.
2. Get Organized. I know you all have heard this one a time or two.
Another reason I haven't blogged is because I hate to admit publicly what a mess I am. You should see my car, ha! I know, better than anyone that I need more structure and organization. I want things to run smoother each time we leave the house and for the floorboard of my car to have room to put both feet without kicking sippys, crunched up cheerios, and baby dolls in my way.
3. Attend Church Every Sunday
This is horrible to admit, but we have been to church once since having Cub and Cozi. I know, it's horrible. We used to attend very regularly, but it has been difficult since Dax has been potty training and I am nursing around the clock. We love our church and all feel better when we are in the habit of going. I am going to make more of an effort to make this happen with all 7 of us.
4. Lose the 10 lingering pounds of post baby weight.
I know I'm not fat, but I'd love to be the size I was before Cub and Cozi. I'm not eating bread tomorrow. I know I said that 2 months ago and it lasted 3 days. We will see. I only had 3 rolls from O'Charley's today. That's gotta count for something. I REFUSE TO GIVE UP COFFEE. And I like it iced, with cream and sugar. I love my 2 cups a day I'm allowed since I'm nursing. Coffee is my version of wine to get me through the stressful times. Mom attended H and P's Christmas party at school with me a couple weeks ago along with the other 3 kiddos. She was shaking like a leaf when we left. I was packing out leftover cupcakes, and Dax over my other shoulder in the midst of a temper tantrum. I wish I had a nerve pill to slip my poor momma, because her nerves couldn't handle it that day. I told her to buckle up, I was going to buy her a coffee since we didn't drink or do drugs...that would have to do. LOL
5. Spend quality time with my husband.
Recently my hubby quit his second job to be home with us on the weekends. It has been AHHHHmazing being able to do family things on the weekends. We haven't stopped going places since becoming a family of 7. I'm so blessed to have a helpful hubby. I love that man so much, even if I wanna punch him in the face sometimes. He's the best husband I could ever ask for. But I need to make more "us" time I suppose. I need to try and keep my eyes peeled open long enough to spend an hour together each night to talk and be more ahem...(clearing throat) intimate every now and then. Thnere's just something about being up all night with 2 babies that slows down the sex drive. Can't a girl just cuddle and watch netflix? Is that such a thing? I can't even mention running myself a hot bath without him thinking I'm pulling out a Kama Sutra or something. I told my man I was going to start lounging around the house in a parka after my bath and would make no eye contact if he didn't stop mentioning sex all the time. I guess that's a man, for you. I do need to plan a date for us sometime in the next year. :)
6. Stop swearing
I'm not a bad potty mouth but I can drop a few "not so nice" words. You know...the "A" word and the "S" word. Not much beyond that unless my husband makes me too mad. But I still need to be a better example of how a a nice christian lady should talk. I'll save those words for when it is acceptable. Like when Hudson gets slammed in the mouth with a baseball or Dax nearly knocks his tooth out. Paislee told me the other day that Hudson had been dropping the "F" bomb on the playground. I freaked out and was ready to move to another state until I realized that she meant the kindergardener's "F" bomb...you know...FART.
7. Do More Good Deeds
No matter how busy I may be, I can always do something small to help someone else out. Small acts of kindness go a very long way. I hope to do more photography services for families in need or with life threatening illnesses over the next year.
8. Get a Filter
Anyone know where I could buy one? Hehehe. I need to take some advice from good ole Daniel Tiger. "When you feel so mad that you wanna roar, take a deep breath and count to 4." I need better self control when it comes to my emotions. I keep reminding myself that "Blessed are the Peacemakers, for they will be called the Sons of God." I need to sometimes, keep my opinions to myself. Especially on social media.
By the way, anyone know where I could get my kids a filter too? H and P are getting to an age where they say anything AND everything. They have humiliated me so badly in public that I could cry from embarrassment. While at the eye doctor last month, they told the entire waiting room that when Election Day rolls around, not to vote for Obama, because he stinks and wears girl panties. They also proceeded to tell the very sweet receptionist that their Daddy has naked pictures of a lady on his phone. Try explaining that one. Calm down, girls. He doesn't really. It was a meme of a larger lady in a bikini on a motorcycle that someone sent him on his birthday as a joke. Who's laughing now? Not me. Not now that the doctor's office thinks my hubby is a weird pervert. Ok, I kinda am laughing now. But I tell you, those babies made a fool of me that day. No amount of evil eye or threatening a spanking would help matters either. Not that day. They teamed up against mommy and they won.
9. Be the Best Version of Myself.
I may not be the most organized, together, well rounded momma on the block, but I love my family with everything that is in me. I was an emotional mess the other night and I told Cody that one of the most important things to me as a momma is to make sure their memories at home are good ones. I want them to know that momma may have not always had it all together, but she sure tried. That I didn't worry as much about the messes as much as I wanted them to enjoy the fun they were having playing. That I loved them and their daddy more than they could ever imagine. That every decision I made in my life, was with them in mind. I want to meet their individual needs and show them each their potential in life. I may not ever be a size zero again, and that's ok. My body has housed 5 precious souls who I love from the inside out. I just wanna push myself to be the person that God wants me to be. And though, I know that I mess up daily, I will do it gracefully and try to learn from my mistakes. I want to be grateful for each day he blesses me with and be thankful for the little things in life. I can't wait to see what 2016 has in store! Be looking for more posts in the near future! Happy New Year! Thanks for reading and sharing :)
