Tomorrow...my very first babies will be 5. I can't believe that sentence is even possible. We have had a very busy few weeks and I haven't had much time to think about it. But tonight it hit me. It hit me as they were lying in my bed falling asleep. They tossed around from excitement about their big day tomorrow. They can't wait for a picnic at the park and roasting hot dogs and smores tomorrow evening when Daddy gets home. And of course presents! I tell them to settle down and the quicker they go to sleep the quicker the day will come. But I hope it takes its time. All I can think about are buttercups. This afternoon I had buttercup sessions at sunset and all 3 of my babies accompanied me, as well as my momma. I happened to throw a few white outfits in the back of the car in hope I could snap a few of them after my session. While I was shooting, Hudson and Paislee ran freely through the beautiful field of buttercups. I knew I'd be photoshopping them out of some shots, but that was ok. They were dancing and chasing each other and having fun. It looked like they were swimming in an ocean of yellow. Pure Joy and freedom...
I'd give anything if I wouldn't have been scrolling through my camera, if I wouldn't have worried about the perfect angles of these shots. I wish I would've had a seat in those buttercups and taken in the moment. This was the last evening they'll ever be 4. The vision of them running and laughing in a beautiful sea of yellow reminded me of Little House on the Prairie. I never, ever want to forget these sweet moments. No matter how busy we are. They are on their own time, and I love that. They love life so much and they love each other. They are best friends, just like I always hoped. Even though they fight daily, I know without a doubt, they will always fight for each other. They are also nuts over this little man... their little brother, Dax. Can't leave him out...
He doesn't like mommy taking his pics, he'd rather have me holding him! Haha! I guess you could say he is a little spoiled! :)
Six years ago, I sat in this living room with Cody and our puppy and only dreamed of one day having a family. I cried at the thought of it never happening for us. My heart ached because I was waiting for them to come...and finally they did. I waited my whole life for them. As silly as it may sound, it is true. God answered our many prayers...and he answered them big time. I was reminded of that as I feel our newest twinkies flipping around at this moment. ;) Thank you, Jesus. Thank you for all of this. Thank you for filling my empty and aching arms. Thank you for choosing me to raise these 3 sweet souls. Thank you for my babies. Thank you for IVF. Thank you for giving doctors the knowledge to help couples like us have the one thing that should never be taken for granted. Children. I am grateful and I am content.
If any of you happened to watch the news this week, you know that a popular designer company made some controversial comments on the subject of IVF. The comments were very hurtful to hear if you are on IVF momma. Talk about ruffling the feathers of a momma hen?!? Hey Dolce and Gabana...exactly what about this looks synthetic to you?
My child could cure cancer. My child could be the next President or Mother Teresa. My child will be a light in this dark world. You don't like it because it isn't traditional? It isn't natural? Neither is being gay. How about you worry about what traditional marriage should be and leave innocent children alone. Yeah...I said it.
Anyways, my heart is full...but so are my eyes with tears. I had to hide away in my dark room for a few minutes before my hubby found me curled up bawling. He wasn't surprised, but he did giggle a little. "Shut up, Cody. 5 is a big deal. 5 means school and I don't know if I can send them." He said he will actually believe it when he sees it. I guess he thinks I will homeschool at the last minute. I know I have to let them go a little. But, gosh it's hard. They are my world. They are the very reason for my being. Every birthday reminds me how fast time is passing.
To my Hudson, it kills me to see your pants getting shorter every month as you grow taller. And you are looking every bit as handsome as your Daddy. I love that you are sensitive and tender hearted. My prayer is for you to not only be a good boy, but be a good man one day. I love that you appreciate the little things. Like the beauty of a sunset...or the sparkle in my eyeshadow. I. Love. You. Your first cry was the sweetest sound and I will never forget it. The sound of your sweet voice still melts my heart. You are my oldest by 5 minutes. You made me a momma and you gave me a glimpse of just how much Jesus loves us, because of the love I have for you and your siblings. I will always love you, support you, and fight for you. No one will EVER love you more...I promise.
To my Paislee, my very first little princess. You are my best friend already and you're only 5. You are wise beyond your years. You are beautiful on the inside and out and you are kind. But you also are spunky and stubborn. I wonder where you get those traits, my little firecracker? :) You make me laugh until it hurts. And you giggle, even when you aren't supposed to. I do love that though. I hope you always dance to your own tune, no matter who is watching. I hope you always know how much you are adored and loved, but always stay humble. Always have a big heart and love everyone like you do know. Smell the flowers, enjoy the wind in your hair, and don't hurry (even if I'm the one to tell you to.) I will always love you, support you, and fight for you. Mommy loves you more than anyone ever will...promise.
Happy Birthday to my sweet twinkies! Now, I will start blowing up balloons and put on my big girl panties. We will have the best day, I promise! As long as I am living your birthday will ALWAYS be a BIG deal and you will always be celebrated. Mommy loves you oh so much!!!
You will never know the depth of my love for you, my sweet babies... 5 is gonna be the best!
LOVE the pics!!
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